Some of Both

A question I’ve been asking myself: when to go to the painful feeling and when to relax around it?

From IFS (Internal Family Systems) I’ve learned that going towards it with authentic love and compassion brings healing.

From energy healing I’m learning that I can relax around the feeling, which brings in fresh energy, which brings healing.

Both ways are wonderful and life giving.

The confusing thing about going towards the pain - it can feel really bad sometimes. It can be overwhelming. I sometimes get stuck for a while believing that the feeling is the truth – that I’m bad or wrong or powerless.

The confusing thing about relaxing and releasing - sometimes it feels like bypassing or ignoring the suffering inside me. If I’m not directing the healing in my system, how do I know that real healing is happening for the parts of me that are suffering?

The answer from IFS: deeply witnessing the pain or suffering brings healing.

The answer from energy healing: fresh energy brings about healing of the whole system in an order that I don’t cognitively control. Cognitive control doesn’t do the job of healing anyway.

After going towards the pain, I feel relief and release and fresh energy.

From and during relaxing, I often feel the intensity of the pain rise to the surface, and then subside.

I like discovering that there is no one right way. I like having options. I like that I do some of both, and ultimately both are helping me stay grounded and grow.

I'm excited by all the different ways to grow and heal. What feels healing to you these days?

With love,
Marta

Are you Consonance Or Dissonance? Or Both

What are you - Consonance or Dissonance?
Or Both?
Taking turns
As one moves towards Consonance
Another pulls to Dissonance.
Sure, it would be lovely....ok....it would be something....
to be Consonance all the time
But gosh, that song would be boring!
All C Major with no development
Mary had a little lamb on repeat.

What does the violin feel as the player
moves from a single note to a minor 2nd?
Or to a tritone?
(The Devil's chord
The church banned it in the middle ages.)
Does the violin shudder and pull away?
Do the strings recoil and hide?
Is there relief when the tritone resolves
into a reliable stable chord?

Does the orchestra shy away from the development
The crunch
The build of intensity
I bet the players lean in, LEAN IN
DIG IN WITH GUSTO & DELIGHT
(Unless it's Schoenberg - that 12 tone guy
relentless dissonance for the sake of dissonance
ALL DISSONANCE IS JUST AS TEDIOUS AS ALL CONSONANCE IS BORING)

Which one am I?
Today's Dissonance leads to
tomorrow's Consonance.
Is one better than the other
we each need each other
for Development, Passion, Growth, Movement
Beginning, Middle, End.

May I remember that those who are Dissonance to me
Are my gift to making meaningful music.
And forgive me when I am
Dissonance to others.

What we have in common

Dear ones,
What’s one thing most humans have in common right now? We're so polarized about the content of who is good/bad, right/wrong about vaccines, covid, variants, climate, finances, media, politics. How do we find common ground?

My loves, all of us want to be safe. This is a driving force behind many, if not all positions on just about any inflammatory topic.

And many of us are riding high waves of fear, whether we are conscious of it, or unaware of it in the background.

Our fears are unique to each of our own selves - and they are shared in all of us in the strong pull of safety.

It’s pretty normal that we attach fear to an issue, to a person, to blaming someone. I do that on a regular basis with my husband. If I slow down to notice the process unfolding, first and unconsciously, a fear pricks at me, tickles and grows on my insides, parts of me look around for a reason, my husband is a target, and then I launch into the blame game. My husband is just a convenient and close excuse.

Most of the time, he's not really the reason or the cause for my discomfort. My own feelings and my fears are the source of my discomfort.

When you notice your fear, or its neighbor, blame, I invite you to try the You-turn. Instead of our very normal reaction of pointing fingers and shaming and blaming others, take a look inside yourself. Let’s get comfy and make some warm, loving space for the fears that you carry.

Your fears matter. And being with your fears brings about the most human of healing and transformation.

It is very seductive to believe that if [xyz] people would just [abc], then I won’t feel afraid or feel this bad. And sometimes there is some truth in that. We all know of real scenarios where bad things happened to us because another person did something to me.

There is no guarantee of safety in life. We cannot make people agree with us. I know you, dear human, are a wise person, with many great ideas on how to make this a world a better place. But alas, we will never have unanimous agreement about anything. And that actually isn't a problem. Diversity of thought and opinion are valuable and needed in every arena of life.

You have power and control to help yourself. This is real power, and you are more powerful than you might now know. Being with the parts of you that are sure you're right, and being with the parts of you that are afraid. Unblending from both will bring space and healing. There may be anger, grief, sadness, despair, memories, feelings, sensations too.

Being with fear, facing your fear, sounds simple. And it is a powerful, timeless practice that many spiritual teachings have pointed to over and over.

Finding loving space for our fears can bring healing inside ourselves that have ripple effects far beyond what we are facing in politics and in health. Being blended with fear often leaves us feeling the only options are good/bad, right/wrong, us versus them. Healing fear opens up space for creative problem solving and ways to cross lines and find common ground.

It may not be instantaneous. It will take regular practice. It might even take dedication. I personally am finding the results to be so worth it, for me and many people I know. I am discovering a bedrock of myself that far outweighs the safety of group agreement. I am in boundless joy at times, that defies logic or reason, even at this heightened time of pressure.

I am attracted to those people who have also found this bedrock of calm, deep, joyous knowing. People who do not blow with the tides of popularity or oppositionality or proselytizing, but are filled with the truth of themselves and the compassionate connection to all humanity. Yes, to ALL of humanity. These people inspire me, and are the people I hope will shine forth from this challenging time.

It is a choice you can make right now – turn outward with blame, or turn inward with courage to face your own fears and bring about a different kind of healing.

With great love and joy,
Marta

Resources

Here are some resources that are helping me navigate these intense times. I invite you to share with me any resources you’ve found especially helpful and uplighting.

Morning and evening grounding exercises
I do these grounding exercises every day, and they are very helpful in staying grounded and not swept away by the energies around you, whether that’s parenting, work culture, or polarizing topics.
Grounding for intensity
This is one if you’re feeling the intensity in the air these days.

If being with your fear calls to you, and you’d like some help and support in this endeavor, please respond to this email for a free call to see if we’re a good fit for one-on-one healing support.

I plan to start a weekly free meditation in the fall, incorporating practices from inner parts work, energy healing, and somatic exercises. Sign up here to be on the weekly invitation list.

What is IFS?

What is IFS?

IFS, Internal Family Systems, is a method of healing.

It is a way of sticking your finger in your unconscious and stirring it up, towards the good and the healing.

It is a path to know yourself better and deeper, to build trust in yourself, to heal old wounds, to live in the present.

IFS is one option among many for healing.

IFS is a way to enliven, to wake up, to access the healing energy that is within all of us. A therapy framework, with methods and processes and questions, but at its source, it’s about yourself healing yourself. Maybe with help from a trusted guide or partner or support person along the way.

IFS is a way to transform your personality. Bringing healing to our most vulnerable parts frees up our personality in ways that are hard to imagine until the shifts start happening.

IFS is a way to become even more of YOU. The true, deepest essence of you.

It can be done with another person, or in a group, or by yourself.

A core belief is that we all have Self Energy, and Self Energy is naturally aimed towards healing. Accessing our innate Self Energy allows the healing to happen. Allowing a part to be bathed in Self Energy brings shifts and changes. Self Energy has no agenda, and it cannot be damaged. Maybe it is our soul? Maybe it is universal energy? Maybe it is qi?

A practitioner can help in this process partly because of the Self Energy they bring to the session. Two people’s Self Energy, aligned in the intention of healing, resonates and amplifies.

Some people find just one session of IFS to be what they need. Others, like me, are drawn to it as a lifestyle and a path for living. Many are loving online videos and blogs and podcasts and books. And every option in between!

If you are curious to try IFS, I’m offering a free, full hour session right now. No strings attached. Just an offering of love and support. Because we all could use a little more love and support in our lives right now.
Marta@InnerArtistry.space
773-793-0864

Pandemic - nervous system overload

My nervous system has really been an intense mess during this pandemic. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. My parts have exploded, as I think has been true for every living human, and they need a lot of attention and help. Plus my four year old and his internal parts need extra these days too. It’s a lot. We’re all dealing with a whole lot right now.

This post is about one specific internal shift that has helped me, but at the bottom are some other ideas that have helped my nervous system.

I'm working towards a fuller internal democracy, including my firefighter parts, inviting them all to show up exactly as they truly are. I thought I had welcomed the firefighters in by allowing myself to eat as much chocolate as I wanted, and sometimes eat a lot of cookies. But it turns out that was like a halfway invitation, and they were still being smothered by the managers most of the time.

This invitation for the firefighters to stand up more fully has been interesting and hard. On the one hand, my firefighters are like, ”it’s about damn time we get to stand up tall”. But it’s been very hard for my managers to step into this new space. It's like a trust fall. Everyone’s managers are afraid of firefighter parts. They feel so out of control, so wild, like they’ll break the rules.

And firefighters do break the rules! Manager parts are not crazy to worry about this. They are spot on, firefighters don’t give a damn about the rules.

But they bring other qualities to the system – creativity, comfort, rest, passion, fresh thinking, rebellion. I feel invigorated and excited to have more of these qualities in me!

Today, my son and I watched The Croods, an animated movie about cave dwellers. The dad was a rockstar at survival. His motto is “new is bad, don’t ever break the rules, don’t try anything new.” Gosh, my manager parts related to that so hard! And then their world came crashing down with an earthquake and he was forced to try new things. Gosh, my parts related to that as well. Pandemic, earthquake – forced change either way!

Of course, the happy ending for the The Croods is that trying new things can be magical and life saving. My manager parts sure hope this is true for me internally as well.

And it has been true. While my nervous system still goes into overwhelm many days, with this new relationship between me and my firefighters, and me and my managers, I have way more space to be with them all. I can feel really terrible and really great at the same time now. It’s a strange and new experience for me and I love it. It feels like magic.

I suspect the reason this shift has helped my nervous system is because each group of parts is more aimed toward me rather than towards each other. In IFS terms, my Self energy is connecting to the managers and connecting to the firefighters, and they each have a way to get heard. (My firefighter parts roll their eyes at any IFS language!! They hate it!)

There’s something so exhausting about when my managers are constantly battling to keep my firefighters under control. I think it provokes adrenaline. It feels like mini battles being waged all day long. So when I can separate these two energies and connect with each of them, relief happens. Even if I’m flooded with some big feelings, at least I’m not engaged in a constant internal war.

And yet, today, despite the separation between the firefighters and my managers, I had a really, really hard nervous system day. So it’s not like this internal shift fixed everything.

Other things I’m doing that are helping my nervous system:
• Alone time is strategy number one
• Walks in the park or the woods
• Epsom salt baths or foot soaks
• Creating something with my hands – usually painting or embroidery
• Herbs and vitamins – nettle leaf tea infusions, increased magnesium, skullcap tincture
• Meditation, sometimes with legs up the wall
• Therapy, connecting with my parts every day, Listening Time

What’s working for you and helping your nervous system? Sending so much love and support and connection your way during this stressful, pressure cooker time!

Under Pressure: A Love Letter to You

I'm sending love to all performers – not just performers on a stage, but anyone who feels that they are being scrutinized, labeled, and judged. What comes to mind are auditions, asking for a raise, pitching an idea, looking for investors, going to a party, meeting new people. May I take a guess and say that most of us have felt like performers at one time or another in life?

We all want and need approval of some kind from the other people in the room. Getting the job, finding your tribe, belonging - all of this creates some amount of internal pressure. These are real and legit needs. We can not exist alone, we are designed to be in community, giving and receiving support to our fellow humans. So when that support even hints at being threatened, our bodies react.

It is not your fault if your body gets triggered into fight/flight/freeze/fawn when under pressure. You, my dear, are human. This is our biology. This wiring in our bodies is good. It is protective. It is helping us stay safe. This is what we do when our bodies and our nervous systems do not feel safe.

This stress response wiring in our bodies is older than bones – it is observable in cartilaginous fish and thought to have evolved before bones evolved. Gosh, that bit gives me comfort, knowing that my body's automatic functions are a production of such a long history. 

This stress response might show up as adrenaline, shakiness, sweating, feeling out of control, feeling sleepy, feeling frozen, incapable, non-responsive, thick tongue, dry mouth, fingers heavy, unable to be and feel authentic.

No matter the conditions that led to fight/flight/freeze/fawn, it is the body’s stress response, saying “I do not feel safe.” The body does not lie - this is an automatic and unconscious reaction. If your nervous system feels stressed and unsafe, that’s just the truth of the moment and that is normal and ok to feel that way. (And of course, other energies inside us might hate that it happens, and that is normal too.) It might be a signpost to pay attention to, a trailhead of further inward exploration if you feel so called to explore and heal.

We might look at this nervous system response as energies or parts within that do not feel safe, but it is not our whole being that feels this way. It feels comforting to me to separate these threads, so that I can witness all the conflicting energies inside me - the ones that wish to be in the situation and those that wish to be hiding under a blanket. 

There are a few things we can do to feel safer in a high pressured situation – like practice and prepare effectively, get the support you need to feel as good as possible, give your day enough space to feel unhurried. This might save you from a certain level of flipping into fight/flight/freeze/fawn, and the energies within that drive this preparation deserve appreciation. 

But there are so many things outside our control – our previous trauma history, our history in similar high pressured situations, our neural wiring predispositions, the way the people in the room treat us, look at us, talk to us, ignore us. And many of these are outside of our cognitive awareness, which makes it overwhelming to deal with in the moment.

It is so, so hard to feel triggered, tripped, flipped. I’ve been met with judgment for simply feeling nervous, I’ve been told to practice more. I've been told to focus on my breath, focus on the positive, ignore people. What else do well-intentioned but misguided people around us say and do? I’m certain I have been on both sides of this, receiving unasked for advice, and giving unhelpful advice! (My deep apologies to those I have given the unhelpful advice.)

Instead, what we deserve is love and compassion for having been flipped into the body’s automatic stress response. We deserve support people around us giving us kind listening and loving emotional space. It feels bad inside and takes energy to process and recover, no matter what circumstances led to this state.

I’m sending you oodles of love and a deep heart for those times that you’ve felt this normal, human way, for your entire being, all energies and parts within you.  

Marta