My nervous system has really been an intense mess during this pandemic. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. My parts have exploded, as I think has been true for every living human, and they need a lot of attention and help. Plus my four year old and his internal parts need extra these days too. It’s a lot. We’re all dealing with a whole lot right now.
This post is about one specific internal shift that has helped me, but at the bottom are some other ideas that have helped my nervous system.
I'm working towards a fuller internal democracy, including my firefighter parts, inviting them all to show up exactly as they truly are. I thought I had welcomed the firefighters in by allowing myself to eat as much chocolate as I wanted, and sometimes eat a lot of cookies. But it turns out that was like a halfway invitation, and they were still being smothered by the managers most of the time.
This invitation for the firefighters to stand up more fully has been interesting and hard. On the one hand, my firefighters are like, ”it’s about damn time we get to stand up tall”. But it’s been very hard for my managers to step into this new space. It's like a trust fall. Everyone’s managers are afraid of firefighter parts. They feel so out of control, so wild, like they’ll break the rules.
And firefighters do break the rules! Manager parts are not crazy to worry about this. They are spot on, firefighters don’t give a damn about the rules.
But they bring other qualities to the system – creativity, comfort, rest, passion, fresh thinking, rebellion. I feel invigorated and excited to have more of these qualities in me!
Today, my son and I watched The Croods, an animated movie about cave dwellers. The dad was a rockstar at survival. His motto is “new is bad, don’t ever break the rules, don’t try anything new.” Gosh, my manager parts related to that so hard! And then their world came crashing down with an earthquake and he was forced to try new things. Gosh, my parts related to that as well. Pandemic, earthquake – forced change either way!
Of course, the happy ending for the The Croods is that trying new things can be magical and life saving. My manager parts sure hope this is true for me internally as well.
And it has been true. While my nervous system still goes into overwhelm many days, with this new relationship between me and my firefighters, and me and my managers, I have way more space to be with them all. I can feel really terrible and really great at the same time now. It’s a strange and new experience for me and I love it. It feels like magic.
I suspect the reason this shift has helped my nervous system is because each group of parts is more aimed toward me rather than towards each other. In IFS terms, my Self energy is connecting to the managers and connecting to the firefighters, and they each have a way to get heard. (My firefighter parts roll their eyes at any IFS language!! They hate it!)
There’s something so exhausting about when my managers are constantly battling to keep my firefighters under control. I think it provokes adrenaline. It feels like mini battles being waged all day long. So when I can separate these two energies and connect with each of them, relief happens. Even if I’m flooded with some big feelings, at least I’m not engaged in a constant internal war.
And yet, today, despite the separation between the firefighters and my managers, I had a really, really hard nervous system day. So it’s not like this internal shift fixed everything.
Other things I’m doing that are helping my nervous system:
• Alone time is strategy number one
• Walks in the park or the woods
• Epsom salt baths or foot soaks
• Creating something with my hands – usually painting or embroidery
• Herbs and vitamins – nettle leaf tea infusions, increased magnesium, skullcap tincture
• Meditation, sometimes with legs up the wall
• Therapy, connecting with my parts every day, Listening Time
What’s working for you and helping your nervous system? Sending so much love and support and connection your way during this stressful, pressure cooker time!