Dealing with and healing anxiety

Many people are dealing with high levels of anxiety - maybe this has been true for a long time - and maybe something is different at this time. 

We don't have to know the reasons behind your personal anxiety in order to bring deep healing to it. Sometimes the content and the knowing helps, but it definitely is not necessary. Those thinking and analyzing parts of you can rest! They don't have to know it all or do the healing work!

I have so much I want to share with you about living with and healing anxiety. I wrote a big bunch of stuff and realized it's too much for one email. Do people read long emails these days? 

I've divided this into two emails, and the next email will include some of my current favorite tools.

Anxiety is not my steady companion it used to be, where it once completely intertwined into my cells and fibers of my being. Instead, it rises up on occasion. Sometimes fierce and overwhelming, sometimes a mild holding me into a frozen place for a patch of time. There's hope for all of us!

Below is a letter I wrote to myself regarding my times of anxiety:

Dear Marta ~
You are not your anxiety. That is one state of being and it is not permanent. You/we/me are growing bigger and more capable all the time. The soul shines forth. This anxiety is not the life sentence you once believed. We can ground ourselves in the hope of so many positive changes under way.

I see the root belief that "I am doing it wrong", and I see the many sources that contribute to this old, dusty belief. 
But even this belief is undergoing change.

The clear intention of moving my whole being, every cell in my body to the "field beyond right and wrong doing"...this intention comes to life more and more each day, and more and more after each passing wave of anxiety.

I wish this for others too. I wish them to know that anxiety is not the truth of them, it is part of a collection of hard working energies that have tried so hard to have a meaningful human experience. Blessings and love to these valiant and dedicated parts. 
 

So, my friends, a reminder that you are bigger than any anxious feelings (or depression, or anger, or addictive behavior). Internal Family Systems calls this Self Energy - the aspect of you that's capable of being with any feeling or any experience, that's bigger than any feeling or experience. Some might call this the Soul or Spirit or the Essence of who we are. 

To support this remembering of the deeper truths of who we are, here's a meditation for Gently Connecting with Anxiety. It touches on the themes of self compassion, inward listening, connection to Source.

In love, compassion, and connection,
Marta

Photo by Susan Wilkinson on Unsplash

en*Joy*ment

Hello!

In my opinion, we embark upon healing, not just to return to a baseline of being ok, but to welcome and awaken our natural essence of joy, beauty, and sharing our gifts. Not to push past the times that are needed for deep healing, or to use joy as a cover up for what needs attention and care. As time goes on in my healing and growing journey, I believe that bounteous joy is a direct result of releasing old traumas and burdens.

I'd love to hear from you what's lighting you up these days, from the tiniest bit to something life changing. Here are a few things that are inspiring me and sparking joy in my life these days.

Grandma's Peach Custard Pie
I make this every summer when the peaches are ripe. It's a hit, no matter who I serve it to. Deceptively simple, dependent upon flavorful peaches. I seem to recall that mealy peaches will work out as well and the texture is great once they are cooked. So wondeful to share with people I love.

1 unbaked pie crust
4-6 ripe peaches
1 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup flour
1/2 cup sugar
fresh nutmeg

I usually peel most of the peel off the peaches but leave a little for color and nutrition. My parents don't peel the peaches at all. So it's up to you.

~ Mix together flour and sugar. I usually use less than 1/2 cup sugar, assuming the peaches are sweet. Sprinkle half of the flour/sugar mixture over the bottom of the crust.
~ Line the crust with peaches. Your choice of halves, slices, or chunks.
~ Sprinkle the rest of the flour/sugar mixture over the peaches.
~ Pour cup of cream over the top. I like to scooch any exposed flour/sugar into the cream.
~ Sprinkle with freshly grated nutmeg.

Bake at 375 for 45--55 minutes. Crust should be cooked through, and cream should be bubbling and thickening.

Cool before serving. When cool or chilled, the filling will firm up to near custard-like consistency.
This recipe works great with gluten free flour and coconut sugar.

Oracle Decks
I'm dabbling in Oracle Decks and enjoying them so much! If you come to my house for a coaching I might offer you an Angel Oracle Card. As one of my friends says, it's another avenue to tap into one's intuition.

Wild Kuan YIn Oracle Deck by Alana Fairchild
Angel Guide Oracle Deck by Kyle Gray

Biofield Tuning
Eileen McCusick has a bunch for free and for sale on her website. I've listened to the one for healing viruses a number of times - when I get a cold sore, when I had covid, when I've started to get a cold. It headed off a cold sore at least once, and at the very least I find it relaxing and supportive.
Free Biofield Tuning for Viruses by Eileen McKusick
Lions Gate Tuning
I don't agree with everything that Eileen says ("Control your inner critic! If you can't do it, who can?"), but I appreciate the gift she brings and ignore the stuff that doesn't resonate for me.

If you're in Chicago:
Zero Waste Grocery
I simply adore ordering dry goods from TinyShop, a zero waste grocery in Chicago. Christine, the owner, is so wonderful and sparkly and fun to interact with. While she is building out her new location in Logan Square, one can order for delivery or pickup. It's so satisfying to get my goods in a glass jar and return the glass jar for more reusable glass jars!

Star Farm CSA
I've held off on joining a Community Supported Agriculture subscription because I was afraid of getting food that I didn't want to cook. But Star Farm really called to me. It's located in Chicago, from what I understand it's in an area that suffers from food deserts. They give away produce to people in the neighborhood, and they offer job training for organic farming and agriculture. Every week I feel like I'm opening a present to see what's in my bag, and I'm able to use most of it. And they introduced me to Saturn Peaches! I look forward to joining one of their monthly dinners and/or volunteer opportunities soon.

I'm looking for:
Good videos on kundalini yoga. I love Breath of Fire and the little bit of video classes I've done, I've found the movements appeal to me right now. I don't love the chanting at the moment. Do you have any kundalini yoga videos that you love? Or Chicago teachers?

I really hope to:
Go to a Full Moon Jam soon! I keep getting distracted each time the full moon comes around. Have you been?

I'm sending you heartful and joyful wishes!
With love,
Marta
Photo by Alfred Schrock on Unsplash

Book Club

Heart-full ones,
So much is inflamed right now. Inflammation from the microscopic to the personal to the collective to the global:
~ Covid/health
~ Suicides
~ Fractured personal relationships
~ Gun violence
~ Pro life/pro choice
~ Inflation
~ Cancel culture
~ Twitter mobs
~ Wars/nuclear potential
~ Climate crisis

It can make one feel rather helpless, with one issue after another suffering from intractable fights. Possibly all these polarized issues are rising to the surface to shine a spotlight on them, and the way we've tried to solve them that so far has not worked.

Big change is needed.

I'm totally taken by a book I'm reading, one that is impacting my life at the deepest level, "The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know is Possible" by Charles Eisenstein.

"We live today at a moment of transition between worlds. The institutions that have borne us through the centuries have lost their vitality; only with increasing self-delusion can we pretend they are sustainable. Our systems of money, politics, energy, medicine, education, and more are no longer delivering the benefits they once did (or seemed to). Their Utopian promise, so inspiring a century ago, recedes further every year. Millions of us know this; more and more, we hardly bother to pretend otherwise. Yet we seem helpless to change, helpless even to stop participating in industrial civilization's rush over the cliff."

This book gives me hope.
It gives me courage to face head on the looming catastrophes.
And not try harder.
Try different.
Be different.

I invite you to join me in a book club to explore a powerful possibility. A possibility of another way. A possibility of ease, and a different way to embrace internal change. A possibility of interconnections, from the most personal level to the global. Exploring the power of the Story that is woven into the fabric of our society.

I believe that this book is a way to embrace a different way, and what's needed to weave in the New Story. This can be one layer of learning a new way, together, in community.

We'll invite in all our parts to explore the New Story of Interbeing - hopeful parts, skeptical parts, despairing parts, and whatever else comes up for you. One key to living the New Story is to integrate it on a deep level in each of our psyches, and that involves welcoming all of our parts into the dialogue.

BOOK CLUB - The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know is Possible
Four Sunday evenings, 7-8 pm CDT
July 10th
July 17th
July 24th
July 31st
FREE!

We'll be meeting on zoom.
Sign up here.

Read more here.

Buy the book at Bookshop:
The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible a book by Charles Eisenstein (bookshop.org)
Or Amazon:
The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible (Sacred Activism): Eisenstein, Charles: 9781583947241: Books: Amazon.com

With love and hope and possibility,
marta

Real Change

Real change does not come through force, pressure, manipulation or shame. Real change is a deep energy that leans toward internal freedom, love, and connection.

Real change may not feel good all the time, but it wants evolution. Evolving can be messy, uncomfortable, painful. Evolution wants real change.

Force is pressure, conformity, fear. It may get results for a while, but it is askew, off center. The intentions may be noble, but forcing results in harm on some level. Shame may get results, but it leaves a mark deep within. Threat of disconnection may motivate but at a cost to the person or the relationship. 

Real change is unlimited.
Forcing an outcome is limited. You perhaps get yourself to comply, or others to comply, but it's not deep or expansive. 

Real change leans in, listens, accepts. There will be grief. Real change may have an intention, a goal, but the end result will be even more beautiful. Even if heartbreak is involved.

We don't know where real change leads.  

How can you lean towards yourself in this moment? What wants to change in you? What wants some love in you?

With love,
Marta

PS - I speak of this from experience. I have tried the route of forcing change many, many times, both for myself and trying to force those I love. It doesn't feel good and no one wins in this way. Taking the risk of releasing control is a gift to all involved.

PPS - If you're judging and blaming others, undoubtedly, you are also judging and blaming yourself. True acceptance of yourself helps you accept others. True acceptance of others helps you accept yourself. It goes both ways. 

PPPS - photo by Arno Gourdol
The majestic Milky Way rises above the mystical labyrinth … | Flickr

Trying a new practitioner may stir up a lot!

Lovely ones,
When you need help, you want the person and support that matches you. Whether that is a healer, coach, therapist, doctor, or some other kind of support person, first up, there are so many choices of modalities and people out there!

It's wonderful to have options - and yet can be overwhelming at the same time.

You might undertake research, evaluating instincts, gathering advice, weighing costs.

And then when you meet the helper-healer, many parts of your personality are probably working overtime to make assessments all the way through the appointment. "What's the vibe? Do we mesh? Can they help me? Is it worth my time and money? Is this the right modality? Are they skilled?" And so on and so on.

Underneath many of these questions and analyzings is the essential "Am I safe?". Safety looks and feels different to everyone. No human is perfect, so of course, there is no guarantee of being met perfectly all the time by another. But a baseline of safety and trust is really helpful in the healing process.

Trust takes time and experience to build. So our analyzing parts are trying to get a shortcut - will this be a person that can take me far? Who can make amends if and when there is a rupture? Has this person done their own inner work? Will I be safe enough to be my must vulnerable?

I once went to a gentle chiropractor that several people had recommended to me. I loved the first appointment, it felt like a big yes in my body. Then the second appointment, she gave me a formal report - she took pictures of me, and showed me my posture and did a big explanation of all that was wrong with me and tried to sell me a big package for $1500. Single sessions were not available. I was so mad and frustrated, I started crying in her office. I felt so vulnerable - here was the help I needed and wanted, but parts of me hate packages. I felt manipulated and pressured.

It's vulnerable to need help, and to ask for help. Our culture is not good at this. The cultural norms of independence, it's weak to get sick, the perception of money as scarce and limited. All of this might lead to waiting to get help until its desperately needed.

Trusting your instincts and finding your own path of healing and growing and shining may take you off the beaten path. And it takes courage to try someone new or a new modality. And then the possibility exists that you might have to say no to them and thats a different flavor of courage. Not to mention being vulnerable with a new person.

If you're a practitioner, it is a gift to your people if you can stay open to any and all parts with an open heart, remembering that this might feel vulnerable for a new client.

If you ever decide to try a session with me, whether that's free Listening Time for 15 minutes, or a free mini session, or a regular paid session, I aim to welcome all of your parts! Whether that is guarded and suspicious parts, or parts who are desperate to be seen and get the help they need, I welcome you as you are. Any suggestion or question I ask is always a choice. You are not spending time with me to please me - so I invite you to follow your own thread of what's coming up exactly in the moment, and I invite feedback. I want to know what works for you!

What's your experience of finding and trying new practitioners?

With love for your journey,
Marta

Some of Both

A question I’ve been asking myself: when to go to the painful feeling and when to relax around it?

From IFS (Internal Family Systems) I’ve learned that going towards it with authentic love and compassion brings healing.

From energy healing I’m learning that I can relax around the feeling, which brings in fresh energy, which brings healing.

Both ways are wonderful and life giving.

The confusing thing about going towards the pain - it can feel really bad sometimes. It can be overwhelming. I sometimes get stuck for a while believing that the feeling is the truth – that I’m bad or wrong or powerless.

The confusing thing about relaxing and releasing - sometimes it feels like bypassing or ignoring the suffering inside me. If I’m not directing the healing in my system, how do I know that real healing is happening for the parts of me that are suffering?

The answer from IFS: deeply witnessing the pain or suffering brings healing.

The answer from energy healing: fresh energy brings about healing of the whole system in an order that I don’t cognitively control. Cognitive control doesn’t do the job of healing anyway.

After going towards the pain, I feel relief and release and fresh energy.

From and during relaxing, I often feel the intensity of the pain rise to the surface, and then subside.

I like discovering that there is no one right way. I like having options. I like that I do some of both, and ultimately both are helping me stay grounded and grow.

I'm excited by all the different ways to grow and heal. What feels healing to you these days?

With love,
Marta