Real Change

Real change does not come through force, pressure, manipulation or shame. Real change is a deep energy that leans toward internal freedom, love, and connection.

Real change may not feel good all the time, but it wants evolution. Evolving can be messy, uncomfortable, painful. Evolution wants real change.

Force is pressure, conformity, fear. It may get results for a while, but it is askew, off center. The intentions may be noble, but forcing results in harm on some level. Shame may get results, but it leaves a mark deep within. Threat of disconnection may motivate but at a cost to the person or the relationship. 

Real change is unlimited.
Forcing an outcome is limited. You perhaps get yourself to comply, or others to comply, but it's not deep or expansive. 

Real change leans in, listens, accepts. There will be grief. Real change may have an intention, a goal, but the end result will be even more beautiful. Even if heartbreak is involved.

We don't know where real change leads.  

How can you lean towards yourself in this moment? What wants to change in you? What wants some love in you?

With love,
Marta

PS - I speak of this from experience. I have tried the route of forcing change many, many times, both for myself and trying to force those I love. It doesn't feel good and no one wins in this way. Taking the risk of releasing control is a gift to all involved.

PPS - If you're judging and blaming others, undoubtedly, you are also judging and blaming yourself. True acceptance of yourself helps you accept others. True acceptance of others helps you accept yourself. It goes both ways. 

PPPS - photo by Arno Gourdol
The majestic Milky Way rises above the mystical labyrinth … | Flickr

Trying a new practitioner may stir up a lot!

Lovely ones,
When you need help, you want the person and support that matches you. Whether that is a healer, coach, therapist, doctor, or some other kind of support person, first up, there are so many choices of modalities and people out there!

It's wonderful to have options - and yet can be overwhelming at the same time.

You might undertake research, evaluating instincts, gathering advice, weighing costs.

And then when you meet the helper-healer, many parts of your personality are probably working overtime to make assessments all the way through the appointment. "What's the vibe? Do we mesh? Can they help me? Is it worth my time and money? Is this the right modality? Are they skilled?" And so on and so on.

Underneath many of these questions and analyzings is the essential "Am I safe?". Safety looks and feels different to everyone. No human is perfect, so of course, there is no guarantee of being met perfectly all the time by another. But a baseline of safety and trust is really helpful in the healing process.

Trust takes time and experience to build. So our analyzing parts are trying to get a shortcut - will this be a person that can take me far? Who can make amends if and when there is a rupture? Has this person done their own inner work? Will I be safe enough to be my must vulnerable?

I once went to a gentle chiropractor that several people had recommended to me. I loved the first appointment, it felt like a big yes in my body. Then the second appointment, she gave me a formal report - she took pictures of me, and showed me my posture and did a big explanation of all that was wrong with me and tried to sell me a big package for $1500. Single sessions were not available. I was so mad and frustrated, I started crying in her office. I felt so vulnerable - here was the help I needed and wanted, but parts of me hate packages. I felt manipulated and pressured.

It's vulnerable to need help, and to ask for help. Our culture is not good at this. The cultural norms of independence, it's weak to get sick, the perception of money as scarce and limited. All of this might lead to waiting to get help until its desperately needed.

Trusting your instincts and finding your own path of healing and growing and shining may take you off the beaten path. And it takes courage to try someone new or a new modality. And then the possibility exists that you might have to say no to them and thats a different flavor of courage. Not to mention being vulnerable with a new person.

If you're a practitioner, it is a gift to your people if you can stay open to any and all parts with an open heart, remembering that this might feel vulnerable for a new client.

If you ever decide to try a session with me, whether that's free Listening Time for 15 minutes, or a free mini session, or a regular paid session, I aim to welcome all of your parts! Whether that is guarded and suspicious parts, or parts who are desperate to be seen and get the help they need, I welcome you as you are. Any suggestion or question I ask is always a choice. You are not spending time with me to please me - so I invite you to follow your own thread of what's coming up exactly in the moment, and I invite feedback. I want to know what works for you!

What's your experience of finding and trying new practitioners?

With love for your journey,
Marta

Some of Both

A question I’ve been asking myself: when to go to the painful feeling and when to relax around it?

From IFS (Internal Family Systems) I’ve learned that going towards it with authentic love and compassion brings healing.

From energy healing I’m learning that I can relax around the feeling, which brings in fresh energy, which brings healing.

Both ways are wonderful and life giving.

The confusing thing about going towards the pain - it can feel really bad sometimes. It can be overwhelming. I sometimes get stuck for a while believing that the feeling is the truth – that I’m bad or wrong or powerless.

The confusing thing about relaxing and releasing - sometimes it feels like bypassing or ignoring the suffering inside me. If I’m not directing the healing in my system, how do I know that real healing is happening for the parts of me that are suffering?

The answer from IFS: deeply witnessing the pain or suffering brings healing.

The answer from energy healing: fresh energy brings about healing of the whole system in an order that I don’t cognitively control. Cognitive control doesn’t do the job of healing anyway.

After going towards the pain, I feel relief and release and fresh energy.

From and during relaxing, I often feel the intensity of the pain rise to the surface, and then subside.

I like discovering that there is no one right way. I like having options. I like that I do some of both, and ultimately both are helping me stay grounded and grow.

I'm excited by all the different ways to grow and heal. What feels healing to you these days?

With love,
Marta

Are you Consonance Or Dissonance? Or Both

What are you - Consonance or Dissonance?
Or Both?
Taking turns
As one moves towards Consonance
Another pulls to Dissonance.
Sure, it would be lovely....ok....it would be something....
to be Consonance all the time
But gosh, that song would be boring!
All C Major with no development
Mary had a little lamb on repeat.

What does the violin feel as the player
moves from a single note to a minor 2nd?
Or to a tritone?
(The Devil's chord
The church banned it in the middle ages.)
Does the violin shudder and pull away?
Do the strings recoil and hide?
Is there relief when the tritone resolves
into a reliable stable chord?

Does the orchestra shy away from the development
The crunch
The build of intensity
I bet the players lean in, LEAN IN
DIG IN WITH GUSTO & DELIGHT
(Unless it's Schoenberg - that 12 tone guy
relentless dissonance for the sake of dissonance
ALL DISSONANCE IS JUST AS TEDIOUS AS ALL CONSONANCE IS BORING)

Which one am I?
Today's Dissonance leads to
tomorrow's Consonance.
Is one better than the other
we each need each other
for Development, Passion, Growth, Movement
Beginning, Middle, End.

May I remember that those who are Dissonance to me
Are my gift to making meaningful music.
And forgive me when I am
Dissonance to others.

What we have in common

Dear ones,
What’s one thing most humans have in common right now? We're so polarized about the content of who is good/bad, right/wrong about vaccines, covid, variants, climate, finances, media, politics. How do we find common ground?

My loves, all of us want to be safe. This is a driving force behind many, if not all positions on just about any inflammatory topic.

And many of us are riding high waves of fear, whether we are conscious of it, or unaware of it in the background.

Our fears are unique to each of our own selves - and they are shared in all of us in the strong pull of safety.

It’s pretty normal that we attach fear to an issue, to a person, to blaming someone. I do that on a regular basis with my husband. If I slow down to notice the process unfolding, first and unconsciously, a fear pricks at me, tickles and grows on my insides, parts of me look around for a reason, my husband is a target, and then I launch into the blame game. My husband is just a convenient and close excuse.

Most of the time, he's not really the reason or the cause for my discomfort. My own feelings and my fears are the source of my discomfort.

When you notice your fear, or its neighbor, blame, I invite you to try the You-turn. Instead of our very normal reaction of pointing fingers and shaming and blaming others, take a look inside yourself. Let’s get comfy and make some warm, loving space for the fears that you carry.

Your fears matter. And being with your fears brings about the most human of healing and transformation.

It is very seductive to believe that if [xyz] people would just [abc], then I won’t feel afraid or feel this bad. And sometimes there is some truth in that. We all know of real scenarios where bad things happened to us because another person did something to me.

There is no guarantee of safety in life. We cannot make people agree with us. I know you, dear human, are a wise person, with many great ideas on how to make this a world a better place. But alas, we will never have unanimous agreement about anything. And that actually isn't a problem. Diversity of thought and opinion are valuable and needed in every arena of life.

You have power and control to help yourself. This is real power, and you are more powerful than you might now know. Being with the parts of you that are sure you're right, and being with the parts of you that are afraid. Unblending from both will bring space and healing. There may be anger, grief, sadness, despair, memories, feelings, sensations too.

Being with fear, facing your fear, sounds simple. And it is a powerful, timeless practice that many spiritual teachings have pointed to over and over.

Finding loving space for our fears can bring healing inside ourselves that have ripple effects far beyond what we are facing in politics and in health. Being blended with fear often leaves us feeling the only options are good/bad, right/wrong, us versus them. Healing fear opens up space for creative problem solving and ways to cross lines and find common ground.

It may not be instantaneous. It will take regular practice. It might even take dedication. I personally am finding the results to be so worth it, for me and many people I know. I am discovering a bedrock of myself that far outweighs the safety of group agreement. I am in boundless joy at times, that defies logic or reason, even at this heightened time of pressure.

I am attracted to those people who have also found this bedrock of calm, deep, joyous knowing. People who do not blow with the tides of popularity or oppositionality or proselytizing, but are filled with the truth of themselves and the compassionate connection to all humanity. Yes, to ALL of humanity. These people inspire me, and are the people I hope will shine forth from this challenging time.

It is a choice you can make right now – turn outward with blame, or turn inward with courage to face your own fears and bring about a different kind of healing.

With great love and joy,
Marta

Resources

Here are some resources that are helping me navigate these intense times. I invite you to share with me any resources you’ve found especially helpful and uplighting.

Morning and evening grounding exercises
I do these grounding exercises every day, and they are very helpful in staying grounded and not swept away by the energies around you, whether that’s parenting, work culture, or polarizing topics.
Grounding for intensity
This is one if you’re feeling the intensity in the air these days.

If being with your fear calls to you, and you’d like some help and support in this endeavor, please respond to this email for a free call to see if we’re a good fit for one-on-one healing support.

I plan to start a weekly free meditation in the fall, incorporating practices from inner parts work, energy healing, and somatic exercises. Sign up here to be on the weekly invitation list.

What is IFS?

What is IFS?

IFS, Internal Family Systems, is a method of healing.

It is a way of sticking your finger in your unconscious and stirring it up, towards the good and the healing.

It is a path to know yourself better and deeper, to build trust in yourself, to heal old wounds, to live in the present.

IFS is one option among many for healing.

IFS is a way to enliven, to wake up, to access the healing energy that is within all of us. A therapy framework, with methods and processes and questions, but at its source, it’s about yourself healing yourself. Maybe with help from a trusted guide or partner or support person along the way.

IFS is a way to transform your personality. Bringing healing to our most vulnerable parts frees up our personality in ways that are hard to imagine until the shifts start happening.

IFS is a way to become even more of YOU. The true, deepest essence of you.

It can be done with another person, or in a group, or by yourself.

A core belief is that we all have Self Energy, and Self Energy is naturally aimed towards healing. Accessing our innate Self Energy allows the healing to happen. Allowing a part to be bathed in Self Energy brings shifts and changes. Self Energy has no agenda, and it cannot be damaged. Maybe it is our soul? Maybe it is universal energy? Maybe it is qi?

A practitioner can help in this process partly because of the Self Energy they bring to the session. Two people’s Self Energy, aligned in the intention of healing, resonates and amplifies.

Some people find just one session of IFS to be what they need. Others, like me, are drawn to it as a lifestyle and a path for living. Many are loving online videos and blogs and podcasts and books. And every option in between!

If you are curious to try IFS, I’m offering a free, full hour session right now. No strings attached. Just an offering of love and support. Because we all could use a little more love and support in our lives right now.
Marta@InnerArtistry.space
773-793-0864