Spotlight collapse
Authenticity in Communication
I went to a free marketing thing for a couple of days and decided it had the ick factor. Just like in life, I was pulled in by promises and curiosity – they knew very well how to name my pain, and make promises to help, with assurances of no smarm.
But it did end up feeling yucky to me. Using hooks and templates. And pressure about “if you’re not ready for this upgrade”. Doesn’t that seem like an insult?
I realized over the week that I heard their scripts running through my head – that gave me the heebeejeebies. I never want to have someone else’s vibe coming through me. I’m sure it happens – we are all woven together. But if it’s strong enough that I can identify that it’s not my voice, that’s a problem!
It makes me wonder if they were using neurolinguistic programming techniques….
And I’m willing to be wrong! Perhaps my assessment of this woman had more to do with my fears than it did about her quality. But don’t we all fear getting bamboozled by marketing, sales, pressure?
Sharing of yourself in the spotlight
Marketing shares similarities to performing, and I imagine to do it well, one comes more alive in sharing of the thing they want to share! And when done well, in performing and marketing - it becomes win-win.
Anyways, we’re all looking for help for our weak spots, for bringing the most aliveness to our gifts in the world.
And you perhaps have gifts to share with the world that can’t come out as freely and joyfully yet as you wish.
Particular problems of collapse in the spotlight.
It’s a frustrating place to be – you have something important to express – and yet you can’t find your best self when the moment counts.
The bigger you, the essence of you, disappears, collapses. And what you find instead is small scared you. Perhaps with extra sweating and body parts that don’t seem to obey your training. And maybe extra bathroom needs. And a brain that can’t think straight.
I know this pain well, as performance anxiety as a pianist brought me into the healing arts in the first place.
That unreliability of my own body – fingers, breath, brain.
Not knowing who would show up on stage – scared Marta or capable and confident Marta.
For a long time, I believed that scared Marta was more of the truth of me, and the confident Marta was the fake.
Confidence is both your birthright and earned
There are some elements that allow confidence that take practice and certain skills. Certain mechanics, certain brain training.
And there are other ways of being and healing that uncover your innate sense of self. Allowing a deeper connection than performing from ego or parts of your personality.
If you’d like to engage on this topic, I’d love to know what trips you up when you’re under pressure. What feels unreliable to you in performance? What has worked for you in finding your grounding and capability? Where and how do you notice limits or stuckness? Are you performing these days and do you enjoy it?
With big love, always,
Marta
PS - No AI used in the writing of this newsletter. All mistakes are mine. Happy to be human in my imperfections and allowing some of them to be seen here today.
