Energy - Emotions - Purpose
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Spotlight collapse
It’s a frustrating place to be – you have something important to express – and yet you can’t find your best self when the moment counts.
The bigger you, the essence of you, disappears, collapses. And what you find instead is small scared you. Perhaps with extra sweating and body parts that don’t seem to obey your training. And maybe extra bathroom needs. And a brain that can’t think straight.
I know this pain well, as performance anxiety as a pianist brought me into the healing arts in the first place.
That unreliability of my own body – fingers, breath, brain.
Spotlight collapse - 3 realms to address
I’m on a kick of focus around “spotlight collapse” – also known as performance anxiety, also known as stage fright.
This is not just for performers - it’s for anyone who struggles under pressure. That pressure brings a kind of intensity and so much comes to the surface.
It’s a bit like a rainstorm and the sewer system, or the river, or the flood plain. There’s lots of space in theses systems to address water most of the time. But then an intense storm happens (your performance), and the amount of water (your feelings, unaddressed energies) cannot flow all at once.
And then if you haven’t addressed your emotional realm, there’s a lot of backup, taking up space. So your channels for flow are already narrowed because of the build up.
December Hangovers
For example, the boomerang of excess in December, to our cultural norm of austerity in January.
Plus of course, less sunlight, less movement.
Our bodies ask for rest and renewal at this time of year, polarized with our cultural expectation of keep going, never stop.
And the intensity of the world is bringing so many ugly and painful things to the surface externally, it seems that many buried things in me are coming to the surface as well.
There’s a generous side to this December hangover - it brings to the surface our shadows, our baseline imbalances, our depths that ask for help. The roots of our shadows are accessible.