Practicing - challenge...sacred calling...eternal frustration...flow

I love the synchronicity of emotional themes that circle in my life, or crop up for me and my sister at the same time, or that show up for multiple clients in a season. (Let's be honest - sometimes I hate the emotional themes in my life, because it means I'm growing and stretching and that's usually painful.)

The theme of practicing has emerged this summer. In a recent class, one participant mentioned the word PRACTICE, and the energy shift in the room was palpable. People leaned forward, wanting to share their strategies, their stories, their victories, their battles with self-sabotage, their ways of coping.
Because, as artists, learning to practice our craft is essential, fraught with trial, and abounding with internal and external judgment.

The practice room, our writing desk, the painting studio – wherever you do your creative work can feel like a battleground. 

Let’s take a look at some of the common Parts of a person that might get triggered around practicing:

The Shoulds
“I should be practicing” (said while eating, while watching TV, while taking a nap…)
“I should do it better”
“I should already be better” – this was my most common refrain. Always should be better, always behind.
”I should have practiced yesterday, and the day before, etc.”
This Part clearly has a goal of doing things better, of seeing a vision that is possible, but not yet attained. Thank you for the vision! But often that vision isn’t enough of a motivation, and there is an edge of judgment or Not-Good-Enough involved, creating an unpleasant feeling and resistance.
That resistance might show up as:
Avoidance
See above – eating, watching TV, cleaning the house, answering every last email, taking a nap. This Part will do anything and everything to avoid the job at hand, the thing we care about, working on our craft. Because working at our art is hard, and vulnerable, and we risk public failure, or public success, or public scrutiny. Or being ignored, laughed at, feeling invisible, not being taken seriously. Let’s be real – eating frozen waffles while watching The Great British Baking Show is a lot more fun in the moment. Can you see how the Avoider Part has an intention of avoiding potentially hard feelings of vulnerability, failure, success, fatigue?

Analyzer/Problem Solver
This Part of us is so essential to moving forward, growing, improving. We need the part of us that analyzes and judges and fixes and creates solutions. Having a strong Problem Solver-Analyzer part can save us money, help us trust our own instincts, and just be damn smart and strong. But when that Part of us gets out of balance it leads to more judgment, blame, shame, and just general unpleasantness around the work we love.
This out of balance part is sometimes called:
Inner Critic
Often showing up as a mean, hateful, abusive Part of us, with all nastiness directed inward. The Inner Critic throws our ability to truly assess out of balance. Any little mistake becomes a red flag, red alert, danger zone, terrible, disaster. t the same time, the Inner Critic still has an intention of helping - helping us grow, do better, be better, try harder, etc.

Perfectionism
This is a different flavor of inner criticism, masquerading as a useful and attainable goal. But perfection is not attainable, and striving to reach perfection will always leave us disappointed and frustrated. I'm experiencing this kind of part right now, as I write this newsletter. "Let me review one more time. Let me see if it's sitting right with my gut. Let me adjust one little word here and there. What about the title? What about posting on facebook?".....which is all a great way to avoid actually hitting send. Avoiding making my efforts public. Avoiding judgment. 

On the positive side of practicing we get into Flow. We engage the Problem Solver in balance, with curiosity and spaciousness and enjoyment. We have Compassion for our self as we work through the normal Creative process. We have Persistence and Grit. We continue to strive for excellence, and maintain connection to our core values of being an artist.

Identifying and engaging the Parts that derail our process, such as the Critic, the Avoider, the Shoulds, is the first step to returning to balance and finding more of the fun and ease in the practice room and creative process. Because fun, creativity, and productivity are all very possible! Not fighting these Parts of us, but instead looking at them with space and compassion is the ironic, annoying, and sustainable way to creating room for our creative spirit.

Here's a video with more info about dealing with the Inner Critic.

Cheers to practicing your craft!
xoxo
Marta

Be Your Own Teacher: Part 1

Be Your Own Teacher: Part 1

Since the next round of the Musician's Mastermind is starting on September 28th, I want to be upfront that this newsletter is an example of the work that takes place in the Musician’s Mastermind. If these topics particularly appeal to you, then know that we will go even deeper into these issues in person in the Mastermind.

Onward to the topic at hand: Be Your Own Teacher

As musicians, we have been trained from a young age to rely on teachers and coaches for expert advice. But what if you could limit your need for outside experts and turn to your own inner guidance more often? In this 2 part newsletter, I’ll give you some ideas on becoming your own teacher. Today, in part 1, I’ll discuss the voices in our heads, how to discern who is doing the talking, and which voices should guide our actions. 

We all have many voices in our heads, competing for attention and often in conflict with one another. Don’t believe me? Do you ever find yourself arguing – with yourself? Debating decisions? Over-analyzing the situation? Trying to convince yourself that the audition wasn’t so bad, or wasn’t good enough, or all the other auditioners were much better than you, or….

For today's purposes, I'm lumping the voices into two broad categories – a voice of Criticism and Negativity, and a voice of positive Strength and Support.

The negative voice is the Inner Critic. It shows up in different ways for different people. It might call you nasty names or swear at you. Or it might give you a general sense of anxiety and unease. Or maybe it repeats a negative refrain over and over. Sometimes the Inner Critic sounds like our mother/father/mean undergrad teacher/crazy coach.

The Inner Critic is all about judgement. Right/wrong (a whole lotta wrong), good/bad (a whole lotta bad) dichotomous kinds of thinking. All or nothing with no gray areas, no appreciation for learning from mistakes, growth, improvement, in between, or having both positives and negatives.

The Inner Critic has a lot of ‘shoulds’. You should pursue this audition because it’s what all the good singers are doing. You should study with this teacher because your friend who won the competition studies with them. You should take this job even though your instincts tell you its not the right fit.

We all have some sort of voice like this, because its goal is to keep us safe from harm. Harm might be getting kicked out of the tribe (which, back in cave dweller days would have meant death). Or harm might be getting criticized in an audition. Or maybe there is a legit threat to your physical safety. Or getting rejected in the romance department. You get the idea. There are innumerable possibilities that cause us to feel nervous, insecure, threatened, and they all can trigger the Inner Critic.

With safety as the Inner Critic’s number one goal, it does not care one iota about your career or personal goals. That’s where arguing and conflict often come in. Other parts of our selves have dreams and goals, but the Inner Critic is a fierce and loud voice that can run rampant until dealt with properly.

How does one properly deal with the Inner Critic?

I’m so glad you asked, as I happen to have a great strategy!

Make friends with your Inner Critic. 

That’s right, actually making friends with the Critic is a key to stopping the shouting, the arguing, the name calling.

We all have a need to be heard and understood. We have valid points to share, we have input to offer, we have feelings that need airing. Since the Inner Critic has a very important job of keeping us safe, what it needs to settle down is to be heard and understood.

This does not mean you do what the Inner Critic wants – which would lead to a very safe, very boring, unfulfilled life. Instead, listen, address its concerns, and then move forward with the wise voice that we will talk about next.

Your Best Self lives quietly beneath the shouting of the Inner Critic. Your Best Self leads you down paths that feel right and authentic to you, even if they are challenging or scary or vulnerable. Sometimes, those feelings of vulnerability and scary/excitement are a sign that you are listening to the right voice.

Your Best Self is aligned with your dreams, not because they will bring you attention or acclaim or more money, but because they feed you in meaningful ways and help you lead a fulfilling life. Sometimes that will coincide with attention and acclaim and money, sometimes not.

Your Best Self is not about judgement, good/bad, right/wrong. It is about deep satisfaction and coming alive. It knows the things that make you feel your best, but it is not attached to your choices and there are no judgements on your choices. Sounds pretty zen, doesn’t it?

Your Best Self does not follow the ‘shoulds’ of your career, your family, or anyone. There are no ‘shoulds’ in the realm of your Best Self. Sometimes the Inner Critic masquerades as the Best Self when we start ‘shoulding’ about not acting as our Best Self. “My Best Self would be practicing right now. My Best Self wouldn’t have eaten that brownie. My Best Self should be a better person.”

Your Best Self knows that ‘failure’ is experience from which one can learn. Yes, there will be grieving, or licking of wounds, or feeling sad when you’ve fallen. But there is also opportunity for growth, for learning, for improvement.

Your Best Self often knows the answers to decisions, has the musical interpretations that are unique to you, and even might be able to solve some technical problems.

Apply these steps to any practice session, audition, performance, or decision about your career to deal with the Inner Critic and become your own best teacher.

Step 1: Identify which voice is speaking. Get specific with what the voice is saying. Maybe write down the statements or feelings. Or say the statements/feelings out loud. Are the statements in good/bad terminology? Is there judgement? Is there blame? Then you’re dealing with the Inner Critic.

2: Make friends with the Critic. Listen to what it has to say. Give it space to breathe, room to speak. Have a conversation. Take into account its concerns because sometimes it actually has useful advice (like get thee to the practice room pronto!).

3. Quiet down to hear your Best Self. Maybe through a long walk, or journaling, or meditating, or talking to a trusted friend. Be intentional to connect with your Best Self. Write down what comes up for you. (More next week on listening to your recordings from the ear of the Best Self.)

4. Look internally for a feeling of deep resonance and rightness. If this seems like a foreign concept, find something about which you know to be true for yourself. For example, what music do you absolutely love to play or listen to? What music are youdrawn to? How does that feel internally? Where do you know that you love this music? Can you find this feeling of truth and trust in other areas of your life? What if you leaned in and trusted those feelings?

5. Develop the relationship with your Best Self by making decisions that follow the advice of your Best Self. Begin by picking something that feels easy to you. For example, how might you shape this phrase better? Does your Best Self know how to technically deal with this one problem spot? Does your Best Self have input about which auditions to take this season? Again, pick something that feels easy (it doesn’t have to be music related), lean into it, and develop that feeling of trust and connection. Go back to that feeling again and again and see how it might branch out into other areas of your life.

Let me know how these steps work for you, and shoot me an email if you have any questions. 

Remember, if this information appeals to you, we will dive deeper in the Musician's Mastermind, starting September 28th. Dealing with the Inner Critic and cultivating your Best Self is a lifetime process. Get in-person support for your own journey through theMastermind!