Embracing inconsistency

I’m taking a writing class and our assignment this week is to write about one of our beliefs. We brainstormed some beliefs, and a classmate brought up, “The only constant is change”.

I feel like I’ve been in one long transition for the last five years, and that I'm a broken record on this topic. First it was dealing with shoulder pain, which led me to uncovering performance anxiety, which led me on a long journey, part of which was eclipsed by pregnancy and baby, and wow, that was a lot of change. Along the way, music performance has shifted more to the background, while focusing on Inner Artist/IFS coaching.

My most recent IFS training led to some very deep transformations, and I’m in new inner territory, figuring out the new ways of being, what feels right to shift and let go, curious about what will emerge.

All of this to say, I’m writing to tell you that I’m embracing inconsistency with blog posting.

For many years, I had the burning itch to write, to share what I was learning, to teach, to have something of value to offer. It was a drive. Inspiration would light me up and I would delight in getting something out in the world.

But now, that drive is on the down low. I still have ideas. Loads of ideas. But the parts that were driving me so hard to get blog posts written and published, I think they are taking a nap. Or a vacation.

I recently wrote in my writing class about my life experiences being like compost. Some rotting memories have been festering and molding. Mixing them around into the compost pile, they become hot and stinky, and then turn into fodder and fuel and food for the soil. I love that metaphor and I hope that is what is happening internally, and in my writing.

I notice the teacher part of me wants to extrapolate this post into something that might apply to your life. Like, how you might find places to ditch the typical advice and follow your own instincts. Or that consistency and practice are key, but sometimes parts of our personality might rebel for whatever reason, and getting curious about those parts can lead to some really cool places. Or how our culture is not necessarily supportive of taking reflective breaks, or listening to our own instincts. 

I’m not sure what is coming next. Maybe the drive to post about performance anxiety and creative blocks will re-emerge. Maybe something else. Just writing this feels freeing. My goals and boundaries of what is possible keep expanding.

In the meantime, while I continue to contemplate and expand, I’ll be back when I have events, and when inspiration hits.

Spring schedule: