Oh, my Critic is fierce about the title of this post - Lacking Confidence? Turn Your Critic from Foe into a Friend. It sounds kinda gimmicky, no? But at the same time, I really and truly believe it, as I have lived it and see it happening for others. And so I hear my Critic and acknowledge it's concerns, and then make a choice based upon many factors - time, pragmatism, done is better than perfect, and yes, the Critic's concerns.

And to appease my Critic, I want you to know that this is not a gimmick. But it also is not necessarily quick and easy. Identifying that voice within you that criticizes, understanding why it does so, and developing true compassion for this part of you - it all takes effort. Like building a relationship with a friend. We don't get friends by simply willing it to happen. It takes repeated contact, repeated efforts, honest communication, etc. Same thing with the Critic within us.

For those of you who don't like watching videos, here is an outline of the four steps to making friends with this voice of criticism.
1. Think of this voice as a PART of you, not all of you. A container that holds these concerns. How do you notice this Part showing up for you?

2. When you connect with this voice as a Part, can you approach it with curiosity? It's easy to get caught up in arguments with yourself, or drowned by the feelings of not-good-enough. But if you can find a little space to look at it with curiosity, what do you notice? How does it show up? When is it triggered?

3. Notice it's positive intention. That voice of criticism can be important for self regulation and a motivator for growth. How do you see the positive intent of your Critic?

4. If you can see your Critic has a positive intention, can you turn towards it with compassion? Compassion is the gift that pays dividends. Oodles of research shows how self compassion leads to greater growth, resiliency, increased drive and dedication to your goals. Finding compassion for this one voice can help you befriend the Critic, AND over time, the Critic can modify how it does it's job. I personally have experienced a big shift - from constant anxiety over mistakes, and now I can relate to that voice as a source of guidance, assessment, and wisdom.

Drop me a note and let me know how it's going. Or come to one of my free classes and put this theory into action with guidance and support.

With love and compassion for you and your Critic,
Marta