Energy - Emotions - Purpose
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Audition season (and it feels like open season on your heart)
It's audition season for opera singers.
I recently listened to an episode on The Opera Box Score about audition horror stories. Stories of people having full out conversations while singing your heart out. Auditors eating lunch very loudly. No eye contact. Criticism for not bringing in a certain aria. Shame about clothing choices. Picking on words, diction, music editions.
Not to mention the weirdness that can exist in the hallway while waiting to audition. The nerves. The strange vibe. Hearing five sopranos before you all sing the exact same piece. Your own personal battle with anxiety and preparedness.
And this isn't unique to auditions for singers. Acting, dance, orchestra, there are so many painful stories.
It makes my heart hurt just thinking of all the nastiness that can accompany the process of auditioning.
Ripple effects
A recent event triggered some shame in me. It was annoying. Bad feeling. Disrupting. Painful. Old. And I was dismayed to find that I went to patterns I thought I had retired - of feeling disembodied, which then caused me to have a terrible time practicing at the piano.
Closet Cleaning
I recently had tea with a friend and we were talking about how good it feels to get rid of clothes that don’t fit. You know those ones you’ve been holding on to, in hopes that you’ll lose that extra weight, or that you’ll shift the mama belly somewhere else. Or clothes that you can fit in but are uncomfortable. You spend all day pulling them up or down or sideways, thinking “at least I look good,” but in reality you are just creating discomfort and tension in your body.
Time to rest
Summer is a fun and funny time. I, and many people I know, expect to do all the things. Learn all the fun music that they didn’t have time to learn during the rest of the year, reorganize the house, do a summer program, go to the beach, have fun, travel, and oh yeah, rest.
Many of us who live and work in the artistic world have seasons of feast or famine. Certainly being involved in a production is a feasting mode that does not allow much time for reflection or self care. The joy of being in a show can also mean working a day job, rushing to rehearsal at night, going home to crash, and getting up early to rinse and repeat. It is simply impossible to carve out time for cooking, exercise, much less meditation or white space to unwind.
Is your soul feeling world weary?
The events of the world, and our country, have been on my mind and heart lately. Yours too? Yes, I’m not surprised. We artists and creative people often feel the pain in the world deeply.
It can feel wrong to continue on with our creative pursuits, as if ignoring the world around us. Perhaps feeling guilt and grief that we have the privilege to immerse ourselves in art, while other people are just trying to survive.
Your greatest strength? Liability? Or both?
Sometimes our greatest strengths can also be our most tender liabilities. In this video, I talk about how hiding underneath my desire for connection and relationship with people was also so much concern about what people think about me. This tender, vulnerable part of me spiraled out of control so that I couldn't function while practicing or performing, fearing that I would mess up, fearing that my colleagues would think badly of me, fearing I would need to find a new career.