When our hearts hurt
Dear Ones,
So much hurting these days.
How do you relate to the extreme situations that pile up in our world right now?
I know in myself that I go on ignoring or tolerating many of the sufferings in our world, but then the spotlight comes on in certain ways - maybe media or social media grabs a hold of a topic, or somehow a wave that moves through all of us, saying Look Here.
The desperation lives around me daily in Chicago. Children killed through poverty, neglect and gun violence. I can keep my balance around it for a certain amount of time.
And then the events grab my heart - Israel and Gaza, Maui and fire, migrants pouring into Chicago, children begging in my neighborhood street corners - and everything becomes tender.
AND just like there are unlimited vibrational tones, from the very very low, to the very high, some audible and some inaudible - both incredible, indescribable pain and also intense beauty and love surround us at all times. This isn't to bypass the ugliness and supreme pains. It's to acknowledge all of it coexists at the same time.
I went for the most beautiful walk yesterday in the woods, where the trees have all turned yellow but not dropped their leaves. I felt totally bathed in golden light, with almost a desperate need to gulp and suck in forest air. Truly stunning and nourishing.
Can we admit we don't know what to do? I'll admit it - I don't know what to do. If we knew how to 'fix' these problems, we'd have fixed it already. So can we stay open to the very painful not knowing? See what is ready to emerge from the broken places, stay attuned to possibility of what's in this moment, what's ready for the next level of personal and collective growth?
I made two new meditation recordings in the last couple of weeks.
Letting go of blame, inviting in love is a practice I am committing to. Where am I hardening my heart? Where am I protecting my anger? Can I soften any amount of it? Can I try an experiment of loosening the grip of anger on my heart - and still listen to the anger, still welcome it, knowing it has a positive intention, something it's trying to do to help?
I listened to the recording last week and thought it was not so great. Then I had a big shame wave the other day, and I listened to it again and found solace and healing. I brought attention and energy to those shame parts and heard them ask "am I really allowed to love myself, even though I got it wrong?"
Yes.
I don't know the way forward, but I do know that hardened shame and blame and anger have not solved my life problems, they solidified my life problems. I'm willing to try this experiment and see what might come from taking the risk to soften, to let go, to allow love into my broken places.
And of course, some hurts are too fresh or too big and deserve plenty of time and space and care for the anger and rage. No need to push, no need to force yourself into love. That isn't true healing in the long run. Take your time, see what really needs attention, and welcome it all.
How are you healing and holding your heart these days?
With love and kindness,
Marta
Meditations
Letting go of Blame, Welcoming in Love
Welcoming Despair and Grief
