Perfectionism and Precision

Intention: to release perfectionist energies and move towards precision and high standards, with remembering and feeling our human connection and love and support at the forefront. 

What's the difference between perfectionism and precision?

Short answer - perfectionism limits and constrains while precision inspires and focuses.

And why would this topic be relevant now in December, such a busy time of year? 
Well, our patterns get highlighted when stress levels rise. Which makes them more obvious, which then also helps us address them!

I remember when a music colleague first called me a perfectionist - maybe 20 years ago - and I was shocked. I seriously thought I was just doing what everyone needed to do to do their best. 

This is so common in people I work with - we think we're just doing what's expected and normal. But really, our commitment to perfection as an essential goal + an Inner Critic that goes wild when “mistakes” happen = perfectionism. 

It is normal to encounter perfectionism in our culture. That doesn't mean it's good for us on the physical, mental, emotional, or soul levels! 

We can aim towards precision and high achievement, while finding more balance internally. Here are some differences between the two:

>>Perfectionism would have us believe that we can be safer, receive love and connection, get the good award if and when we are perfect. Our worth relies on being perfect and being received as perfect. Perfectionism turns to our Inner Critics and other people's critics as the arbiters of merit.

>>With precision, there can be a high standard for results, but your innate worth is not dependent upon the results.

Precision can be seen as a Divine Masculine quality, launching the arrow with focus and intention into the bullseye.

We all have feelings come up when we don't hit the mark, but with precision, there is growth in moving through the feelings. 
Not achieving the desired result is information, a chance for learning, direct feedback about your skills or preparation or intentions and more. It's an opportunity to surrender to bigger energies, an opening to trust. 

With perfectionism, the feelings become a commitment to double down, get it perfect next time, an effort to avoid these terrible feelings ever again. 

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Perfectionism in creative and high intensity environments

This topic is on my mind as I enter the classical music world again after quite a few years. I'm one of the rehearsal pianists for a wonderful opera production, filled with loving and high achieving people. It's glorious to be showered with these voices and making music together!

AND I notice my perfectionism grooves showing up. Plus there's perfectionism in the air, as the training for classical music has a lot of distortion in its quest for high standards.

So many layers that contribute to perfectionism!

I've been energetically tending to all the many layers that contribute to perfectionism - releasing:
- good girl programming/ people pleasing
- solar plexus collapse (our center of power!)
- self worth based upon other people's opinions
- nervous system balancing
- cording and attachments bringing tension to my body, throat and shoulders
- soul level lifetimes when mistakes lead to disasters. 

Inviting in:

- balance between Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energies
- creativity and flow
- permission for enjoyment and trust
- sharing love fields to everyone involved.

Addressing perfectionism is not a quick and easy fix. As you can see, a lot contributes to this issue. It permeates our society! It's everywhere! And so often our work or family cultures reinforce the perfectionist way of being, rather than the human, relational shared goals of precision with kindness and connection way of being.

The deeper we address these issues, the more magic unfolds. Perfectionism becomes the trailhead of healing childhood, untangling social programming and cultural norms, addressing ancestral and past lives as well. This one thing can blossom into relief and growth in so many areas of your life!

When stress levels are up, and perfectionism is one of your coping strategies, Inner Artist sessions can help.

If you’re new to Inner Artist sessions, you can either start with a free 30 minute Discovery Call, or you can dive right into an hour session.

One person called Inner Artist sessions “therapy on steroids.” There’s room for talking and feeling into what’s coming up. Your intuitions, knowings, and body sensations are key. And energy work helps move and release the feelings and energies faster and gently.

While Inner Artist sessions are good for anyone, I specialize in working with highly sensitive people and creatives. I get what it’s like to feel overwhelmed all the time and the need to hide from the world, or the need to hide your true self. And this issue of perfectionism + Inner Critic runs strong for sensitive and creative folks - the criticisms and mean energies in the world burn through in a deeper way for you and your heart.

I’m in this with you, for releasing perfectionism and connecting to the deeper truth of our gifts, inherent self worth, and inner compass aimed towards beauty and love.

With love to each of you,

Marta

Another F*#&ing Growth Opportunity

I grew up in Minnesota, where a favorite state saying is, “It could be worse.” While that is in fact true, things can always get worse, it doesn’t actually make my current feelings any better.

We’ve been dealing with one setback after another at our house, so I've been mulling alternate ways to ride the waves of difficult times. Here's what I've been working with:

1. Feel sorry for yourself. Permission to wallow. 
2. Don’t compare yourself to others who have it worse. Yes, truly bad and horrific things are happening everywhere. Does you suppressing your emotions help them in any way? NOPE. Dealing with your true emotions will ultimately give you more resources and then you can help those less fortunate than you.
3. Journal.
4. Get mad. (Although be careful about directing anger at others. Anger can be damaging to relationships.)
5. Swear a lot. 
6. Don’t make big decisions. Avoid decisions at all costs.
7. OR make the big decision that you’ve been avoiding. Are you stuck in the vortex of SH*T for a reason? Is there something you can do to make it better?
8. Ask for help. Anyone who offers, take them up on it.
9. Cry. Crying flushes away cortisol, the stress hormone.
10. Know who your friends are. Don’t look to help from people who will lecture you, or tell you about how others have it worse, or turn it into a convo about themselves, or whatever....
11. Eat chocolate. Or in my case, eat extra dark chocolate with peanut butter AND butter. Try it, it is awesome.
12. Drink wine. Or gin and tonics. 
13. Have a dance party. In your underwear. With your toddler. Or alone.
14. Escape. Coping will be easier if you can find times of comfort and release from the situation.
15. Watch something funny.
16. Laugh. Laughter is a great natural stress reliever. Let yourself laugh until you cry. 
17. Move your body in the way that feels good to you.
18. Get outside.
19. Stop feeling guilty about The Shoulds. What do you tell yourself you should do, should be, should think, should feel? Whose voice is that anyways?
20. Spend money on a good therapist. This will save you in the long run.
21. Throw sh*t away. Clearing out physical space sometimes helps with the mental space.
22. Do it imperfectly. I mean, things are always imperfect. But they might seem extra imperfect during a time of stress. But sometimes you gotta get stuff done, and done is better than perfect.
23. This too shall pass. That’s the one constant, right? Life always changes. Hang in there, it will get better.
24. Remember that good things can come out of difficult circumstances. I like the quote, "never let a crisis go to waste." A crisis creates an opportunity for positive change, for learning more about yourself, for making the hard decision, for strengthening relationships, for deep healing. Or to put it another way, "Another F#*@ing Growth Opportunity."

If this resonates, I’m sending you big virtual hugs. And if you're willing, leave a comment here about how you deal with a stormy time of life. 
Until next time,
Marta
PS - sometimes things go beyond hard and you may feel like you really are sinking into an abyss you cannot return from. Please seek help from a professional if you are contemplating hurting yourself.

Come to your senses

Do you remember learning about the five senses in grade school? I do, because my experience was highly disappointing. It was first grade, and we arrived at our desks to find several sensory items – a chocolate chip, a cotton ball, and other things I can’t remember. I remember the chocolate chip very specifically because, when our teacher instructed us to eat it, I was so sad to discover that it was completely bitter. I had never had unsweetened chocolate before, and it definitely left me wanting.
 

In our busyness, our five senses often get left behind. This is not an email to reprimand you, and order you to take time to smell the flowers. What I want to remind you of is the gift these senses can give us if we are experiencing overwhelm, or stress, or rushing, or anything that takes you out of your body, out of the moment.

I was really wanting to write a blog post this week, and struggled with several half-baked ideas. I think I’ve written three blog posts, but nothing felt finished or quite right for this moment. Then, as Loki was fighting sleep tonight, I placed on hand on my belly, to remind me to soften into the moment, to relax my own body in order to help my baby. I’ve no idea if it helped Loki fall asleep or not, but it certainly helped slow my racing mind, and to enjoy the moment, even though bedtime wasn’t going as I had hoped.

I’ve been noticing in my practicing how stopping to take several breaths helps calm my mind and slow me down. Along with the delight of having a nearly-one-year-old, I also have much more limited time. So when I sit down at the piano, I often have the sense of urgency, the strong awareness of how much I hope to accomplish before Loki demands my attention again.

All of this is to say, when you are stressed or overwhelmed or rushing or busy, take a moment to connect with one of your senses and see how that might make an impact on your activity.

Connecting to your senses calms your nervous system, helping you deal with stress. And it plays a role in activating the right hemisphere of your brain. We want this, especially when performing, as the right hemisphere is more aligned with being in the moment. Being in the moment is more likely to bring about Flow, the optimal state of performing, where all of our thoughts and energies are dedicated to the task at hand. No room for past and future thoughts, self-criticism, or distraction.

Here are some suggestions for a quick sensory connection:

• Three breaths noticing the movement of your body as your inhale and exhale.
• Three breaths noticing the sound of your inhale and exhale.
• Close your eyes and notice the sounds around you, let your ears take you to the farthest sound, and then to the closest sound.
• Close your eyes and notice what scent is in the air.
• Give yourself a hug and feel the texture of your shirt. Really, there is lots of research about how hugging yourself is very soothing to the nervous system.
• Feel your feet on the ground, the chair under your bottom, the clothes on your body, the glasses on your face. Notice the feel of your instrument in your hands.
• What do you see around you? Ask yourself, “Am I safe here?”. This may feel silly, but it calms our lizard brain which is always on the lookout for any potential threat.

Pick one of these sensory suggestions, or listen to this 2.5 minute long guided exploration to come to your senses.