In the spotlight, it’s not just you

The pressures these days!

Whew!

What are you noticing? Where does it show up for you?
Financial. Sleep. Relationships. Kids. Work.
I mean, it’s all on the list, right?

For so many I know (me too!), pressures coming from many directions.

The pressures of the spotlight

⫸ On stage, in the business meeting, standing up for yourself, expressing something that goes against the flow, trusting your instincts, advocating for your kids…

When pressure shows up, the accumulated emotional debris has a way of rising to the top.

• Your anxiety goes from mid-low range to high alert.

• Your inner critic doesn’t shut up, maybe even screaming at you.

• The blame commences– you feel blame towards yourself, your parents, the people in the room, the world, the aliens.

• Your legs shake.

• Shame for being seen, shame for getting it wrong.

Or maybe it’s the opposite for you:

• You get extra tired, sleepy or foggy brained.

• You can’t think straight.

• You want to hide.

Maybe you have one of these, or all of them!

Turns out, regardless of the pressure situation – the energies and feelings are not all yours!

For example - you show up to your spotlight - on stage, the boardroom, the classroom - and you feel tremendous anxiety, panic even. Maybe it feels life threatening. Which your brain says doesn’t make sense.

Ancestor and soul baggage

But it does make sense, because you’ve got some ancestor epigenetics and soul memories of the times that were life threatening:

• ancestor/soul experience of being hauled into town square for ritual humiliation or physical punishments or death

• ancestor/soul experience of being captured and chained for slavery

• ancestor/soul/present lifetime of war and genocide

• ancestor/soul/present lifetime of sexual assaults as a woman lead to blame and public shaming

When these other lifetimes/timelines meet a present day fear YOU are experiencing, its like a chemical reaction that magnifies many times over.

You think it’s your own, because it’s in you.

But what if you and we can release what’s not yours?

⫸ This has been one of the biggest life learnings for me when I realized this AND continue to implement tools so that I’m dealing with only MY portion of the shenanigans under pressure. And bringing healing to my ancestors, my souls, and the collective.

Now I’m learning to partner with the positive forces even more, and Laura Kimmel will bring that angle in our upcoming free class.

Wednesday, Sept 2nd, 6 pm CDT

FREE GROUP ENERGY SESSION

Natural Confidence

⪼ We’re releasing the ancestral, the soul level, the traumas through Energy Attunements

⪼ We’re opening to connecting with the very powerful and supportive positive energies.

⪼ Now is the time for you to shine. To enjoy yourself under pressure! To be more of your Natural Self.

With big love for these big times,
Marta

PS - what kinds of pressures are you experiencing?

PPS - no AI used in writing this newsletter.

Free Group Session - Natural Confidence

Spotlight collapse

Authenticity in Communication

I went to a free marketing thing for a couple of days and decided it had the ick factor. Just like in life, I was pulled in by promises and curiosity – they knew very well how to name my pain, and make promises to help, with assurances of no smarm.

But it did end up feeling yucky to me. Using hooks and templates. And pressure about “if you’re not ready for this upgrade”. Doesn’t that seem like an insult?

I realized over the week that I heard their scripts running through my head – that gave me the heebeejeebies. I never want to have someone else’s vibe coming through me. I’m sure it happens – we are all woven together. But if it’s strong enough that I can identify that it’s not my voice, that’s a problem!

It makes me wonder if they were using neurolinguistic programming techniques….

And I’m willing to be wrong! Perhaps my assessment of this woman had more to do with my fears than it did about her quality. But don’t we all fear getting bamboozled by marketing, sales, pressure?

Sharing of yourself in the spotlight

Marketing shares similarities to performing, and I imagine to do it well, one comes more alive in sharing of the thing they want to share! And when done well, in performing and marketing - it becomes win-win.

Anyways, we’re all looking for help for our weak spots, for bringing the most aliveness to our gifts in the world.

And you perhaps have gifts to share with the world that can’t come out as freely and joyfully yet as you wish.

Particular problems of collapse in the spotlight.

It’s a frustrating place to be – you have something important to express – and yet you can’t find your best self when the moment counts.

The bigger you, the essence of you, disappears, collapses. And what you find instead is small scared you. Perhaps with extra sweating and body parts that don’t seem to obey your training. And maybe extra bathroom needs. And a brain that can’t think straight.

I know this pain well, as performance anxiety as a pianist brought me into the healing arts in the first place.

That unreliability of my own body – fingers, breath, brain.

Not knowing who would show up on stage – scared Marta or capable and confident Marta.

For a long time, I believed that scared Marta was more of the truth of me, and the confident Marta was the fake.

Confidence is both your birthright and earned

There are some elements that allow confidence that take practice and certain skills. Certain mechanics, certain brain training.

And there are other ways of being and healing that uncover your innate sense of self. Allowing a deeper connection than performing from ego or parts of your personality.

If you’d like to engage on this topic, I’d love to know what trips you up when you’re under pressure. What feels unreliable to you in performance? What has worked for you in finding your grounding and capability? Where and how do you notice limits or stuckness? Are you performing these days and do you enjoy it?

With big love, always,

Marta

PS - No AI used in the writing of this newsletter. All mistakes are mine. Happy to be human in my imperfections and allowing some of them to be seen here today.

Spotlight collapse - 3 realms to address

I’m on a kick of focus around “spotlight collapse” – also known as performance anxiety, also known as stage fright.

This is not just for performers - it’s for anyone who struggles under pressure. That pressure brings a kind of intensity and so much comes to the surface.

It’s a bit like a rainstorm and the sewer system, or the river, or the flood plain. There’s lots of space in theses systems to address water most of the time. But then an intense storm happens (your performance), and the amount of water (your feelings, unaddressed energies) cannot flow all at once.

And then if you haven’t addressed your emotional realm, there’s a lot of backup, taking up space. So your channels for flow are already narrowed because of the build up.

The good news: these pressurized situations are also ideal for healing/growing. The big flow of energy has the potential for cleaning up and clearing out the accumulated debris hanging out in your flow channels.

My suggestion for addressing Spotlight Collapse

1. The mechanicals:

Get some really good practice tools.

Really solid techniques in case fear takes over when you’re in the spotlight.

These have saved my butt big time.

2. Address your emotional roots:

What parts of you get scared? Why? Where did this originate? Performance anxiety is one form of massive inner flags waving, saying HELP ME!!! These cries for help might roar to the surface when you’re under pressure, but it’s most likely under the surface all the time.

3. Get woo-woo:

All of the woo-woo overlaps with the emotional roots, and while some of this may feel like a stretch to some people, it actually ends up being incredibly helpful.

⪼ Conflict shocks are particular events that physically imprint in your brain, your tissues adapt, and your psyche takes on beliefs. There are several types of conflict shocks that particularly contribute to anxiety.

⪼ Your ancestors have been through some serious, life challenging, life-changing sh*t. When those events are big enough, it imprints on the DNA and gets passed down through epigenetics.

Every person I’ve worked with – whew, your ancestors have carried some massive burdens! Your DNA and cells remember this – AND this can be addressed - resolved/evolved/dissolved.

⪼ If you want to get more woo-woo – and I always want to – let’s look at your soul(s). They too have been through the wringer.

This one was one of the major keys for me to more liberation, addressing some of the soul level crap that went down as a musician in another lifetime.

💫 And I’m coming to believe, this is the lifetime to bring in all the lessons, and re-orient towards remembering our divine spark and shine into our gifts - for the world and for our own enjoyment of life!

~~~~~~~~~~

These 3 realms you can address on your own. Which is fantastic, because we all need to take responsibility for our own lives, and so much of this involves inner processes.

AND it can expedite your path when working with someone who has already addressed all of these arenas. It gives a sort of blueprint for your energy/spirit to read and it becomes an energetic map that you follow on a subconscious or energetic level.

If you’re interested in getting some help with me, I suggest a free “Soul of your Performer Self - Discovery Call”.

I currently offer sessions as needed for you, so there is no pressure. You sign up for Inner Artist sessions as you feel the need or desire. I’m thinking of putting together some packages though, so you can have a cohesive plan tailored to you. Is this of interest to you?

What tools have you used to address performance anxiety, and what is working well for you these days? What is not working well?

💗 Big love to you! We all need it, and we all deserve it! 💗
Marta

No AI knowingly used in the content of this blog.

Perfectionism and Precision

Intention: to release perfectionist energies and move towards precision and high standards, with remembering and feeling our human connection and love and support at the forefront. 

What's the difference between perfectionism and precision?

Short answer - perfectionism limits and constrains while precision inspires and focuses.

And why would this topic be relevant now in December, such a busy time of year? 
Well, our patterns get highlighted when stress levels rise. Which makes them more obvious, which then also helps us address them!

I remember when a music colleague first called me a perfectionist - maybe 20 years ago - and I was shocked. I seriously thought I was just doing what everyone needed to do to do their best. 

This is so common in people I work with - we think we're just doing what's expected and normal. But really, our commitment to perfection as an essential goal + an Inner Critic that goes wild when “mistakes” happen = perfectionism. 

It is normal to encounter perfectionism in our culture. That doesn't mean it's good for us on the physical, mental, emotional, or soul levels! 

We can aim towards precision and high achievement, while finding more balance internally. Here are some differences between the two:

>>Perfectionism would have us believe that we can be safer, receive love and connection, get the good award if and when we are perfect. Our worth relies on being perfect and being received as perfect. Perfectionism turns to our Inner Critics and other people's critics as the arbiters of merit.

>>With precision, there can be a high standard for results, but your innate worth is not dependent upon the results.

Precision can be seen as a Divine Masculine quality, launching the arrow with focus and intention into the bullseye.

We all have feelings come up when we don't hit the mark, but with precision, there is growth in moving through the feelings. 
Not achieving the desired result is information, a chance for learning, direct feedback about your skills or preparation or intentions and more. It's an opportunity to surrender to bigger energies, an opening to trust. 

With perfectionism, the feelings become a commitment to double down, get it perfect next time, an effort to avoid these terrible feelings ever again. 

~~~~~~~~~~
Perfectionism in creative and high intensity environments

This topic is on my mind as I enter the classical music world again after quite a few years. I'm one of the rehearsal pianists for a wonderful opera production, filled with loving and high achieving people. It's glorious to be showered with these voices and making music together!

AND I notice my perfectionism grooves showing up. Plus there's perfectionism in the air, as the training for classical music has a lot of distortion in its quest for high standards.

So many layers that contribute to perfectionism!

I've been energetically tending to all the many layers that contribute to perfectionism - releasing:
- good girl programming/ people pleasing
- solar plexus collapse (our center of power!)
- self worth based upon other people's opinions
- nervous system balancing
- cording and attachments bringing tension to my body, throat and shoulders
- soul level lifetimes when mistakes lead to disasters. 

Inviting in:

- balance between Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energies
- creativity and flow
- permission for enjoyment and trust
- sharing love fields to everyone involved.

Addressing perfectionism is not a quick and easy fix. As you can see, a lot contributes to this issue. It permeates our society! It's everywhere! And so often our work or family cultures reinforce the perfectionist way of being, rather than the human, relational shared goals of precision with kindness and connection way of being.

The deeper we address these issues, the more magic unfolds. Perfectionism becomes the trailhead of healing childhood, untangling social programming and cultural norms, addressing ancestral and past lives as well. This one thing can blossom into relief and growth in so many areas of your life!

When stress levels are up, and perfectionism is one of your coping strategies, Inner Artist sessions can help.

If you’re new to Inner Artist sessions, you can either start with a free 30 minute Discovery Call, or you can dive right into an hour session.

One person called Inner Artist sessions “therapy on steroids.” There’s room for talking and feeling into what’s coming up. Your intuitions, knowings, and body sensations are key. And energy work helps move and release the feelings and energies faster and gently.

While Inner Artist sessions are good for anyone, I specialize in working with highly sensitive people and creatives. I get what it’s like to feel overwhelmed all the time and the need to hide from the world, or the need to hide your true self. And this issue of perfectionism + Inner Critic runs strong for sensitive and creative folks - the criticisms and mean energies in the world burn through in a deeper way for you and your heart.

I’m in this with you, for releasing perfectionism and connecting to the deeper truth of our gifts, inherent self worth, and inner compass aimed towards beauty and love.

With love to each of you,

Marta

Your greatest strength? Liability? Or both?

Sometimes our greatest strengths can also be our most tender liabilities. In this video, I talk about how hiding underneath my desire for connection and relationship with people was also so much concern about what people think about me. This tender, vulnerable part of me spiraled out of control so that I couldn't function while practicing or performing, fearing that I would mess up, fearing that my colleagues would think badly of me, fearing I would need to find a new career. 

What is one of your greatest strengths? Is there a flip side to this strength? What is the root fear of the flip side? Understanding and healing the weakness will help you live in your strength in a balanced way.

In your emotional life, this means tending to the vulnerable parts of yourself, not pushing those vulnerabilities away, but hearing the concerns and pains and fears, making space. Once those fears have been heard and they have settled, then it's easier to reconnect to our intentions and dreams. 

In performing, this helps you find grounding, confidence, connection to your collaborators, and joy in the moment.

In daily life, this helps you stay focused on your goals and dreams.

Overcoming Performance Anxiety: improv classes

“I can’t do this anymore,” I said to my husband.

After 2.75 hours of sweating, flip-flopping stomach, racing heart, sweating palms, shaking legs, I was ready to be done. But our instructor had just enthusiastically said, “we have time for one more exercise!!!” 

Like that was good news.

This was our first night of improv class at IO Chicago.

My husband had done a year of improv classes at Second City before we met and always said I would really dig it. After the appearance of crazy performance anxiety 6 months earlier, I knew I needed a safe space to work on my fear without worry about totally falling apart on stage and getting fired. Improv seemed like a great choice. Until we got there that night.

I finished out class that night, and returned for many more, making it through 10 months of weekly classes. That translated into 10 months of weekly terror, sweating, butterflies in my stomach, racing heart, etc.

That also translated into 10 months of weekly opportunity to practice new skills, to let fear out from under my armor, to experiment, and ultimately to learn that I could survive, that I could even thrive while in fear. That fear was not the end, it was just a feeling. 

One tidbit I learned from the Bulletproof Musician is that the physical activation of performance anxiety is actually the same as physical activation of excitement. It’s what we label it that determines if we feel positive or negative. Every single class I would tell myself over and over, “I am excited, I am excited.”

The big takeaways from improv class? I can function while in fear. And even have fun at times! Inviting fear into my body, letting it take up space, letting it do its thing and not repress it, then it stopped the internal fighting, and which resulted in taking the pressure off. That allowed other emotions to be part of the process too – excitement, joy, curiosity.

If you suffer from nerves, finding a safe, practice performance space for experimenting can do wonders in overcoming fear. Finding a friend or colleague to support you through these experiments makes it even better - you can discuss, dissect, analyze, feel, cry, share better with a comrade who gets it.

Here are some suggestions of places and situations you could use:

• Practice Performance sessions

• A small group of friends in your home, practice room, work space

• Church

• Toastmasters

• Acting class

• Music lessons

Give yourself permission to play around with the feelings, be curious about your body’s response to the situation, take the pressure off by having low expectations for yourself. You might crash and burn sometimes - I certainly did in my improv classes!

Finding the right place to practice while in fear also gives you the space to reconnect with the joy of performance, the love of your art that brought you to this career in the first place.

This is 3rd in a series about my experience in overcoming performance anxiety. If you wish to read about Part 1 (the start of my anxiety) and Part 2 (Beyond Practicing). Coming up next week, coaching with a specialist in Internal Family Systems.