Energy - Emotions - Purpose
Blog
In the spotlight, it’s not just you
And then there is spotlight pressure:
⫸ On stage, in the business meeting, standing up for yourself, expressing something that goes against the flow, trusting your instincts, advocating for your kids…
When pressure shows up, the accumulated emotional debris has a way of rising to the top.
Spotlight collapse
It’s a frustrating place to be – you have something important to express – and yet you can’t find your best self when the moment counts.
The bigger you, the essence of you, disappears, collapses. And what you find instead is small scared you. Perhaps with extra sweating and body parts that don’t seem to obey your training. And maybe extra bathroom needs. And a brain that can’t think straight.
I know this pain well, as performance anxiety as a pianist brought me into the healing arts in the first place.
That unreliability of my own body – fingers, breath, brain.
Spotlight collapse - 3 realms to address
I’m on a kick of focus around “spotlight collapse” – also known as performance anxiety, also known as stage fright.
This is not just for performers - it’s for anyone who struggles under pressure. That pressure brings a kind of intensity and so much comes to the surface.
It’s a bit like a rainstorm and the sewer system, or the river, or the flood plain. There’s lots of space in theses systems to address water most of the time. But then an intense storm happens (your performance), and the amount of water (your feelings, unaddressed energies) cannot flow all at once.
And then if you haven’t addressed your emotional realm, there’s a lot of backup, taking up space. So your channels for flow are already narrowed because of the build up.
Perfectionism and Precision
Short answer - perfectionism limits and constrains while precision inspires and focuses.
And why would this topic be relevant now in December, such a busy time of year?
Well, our patterns get highlighted when stress levels rise. Which makes them more obvious, which then also helps us address them!
I remember when a music colleague first called me a perfectionist - maybe 20 years ago - and I was shocked. I seriously thought I was just doing what everyone needed to do to do their best.
This is so common in people I work with - we think we're just doing what's expected and normal. But really, our commitment to perfection as an essential goal + an Inner Critic that goes wild when “mistakes” happen = perfectionism.
It is normal to encounter perfectionism in our culture. That doesn't mean it's good for us on the physical, mental, emotional, or soul levels!
We can aim towards precision and high achievement, while finding more balance internally. Here are some differences between the two:
Your greatest strength? Liability? Or both?
Sometimes our greatest strengths can also be our most tender liabilities. In this video, I talk about how hiding underneath my desire for connection and relationship with people was also so much concern about what people think about me. This tender, vulnerable part of me spiraled out of control so that I couldn't function while practicing or performing, fearing that I would mess up, fearing that my colleagues would think badly of me, fearing I would need to find a new career.
Overcoming Performance Anxiety: improv classes
My husband had done a year of improv classes at Second City before we met and always said I would really dig it. After the appearance of crazy performance anxiety 6 months earlier, I knew I needed a safe space to work on my fear without worry about totally falling apart on stage and getting fired. Improv seemed like a great choice. Until we got there that night.