Quick Tip #2: Gratitude

My grandmother died last week at age 93 and she was a force to be reckoned with until the end. She hosted a monthly event in her retirement community she called Happy Notes, where she played and sang and got others to sing for a full hour! I hope to be that zesty when I'm in my 90s. 

I loved playing for her funeral. Mostly.

Because, my older sister happens to be a trigger for all my fears! Her being two years older than me, I lived my formative years in comparison to her. 

When I sat down at the piano bench, after Karina's beautiful playing, my body experienced a wide variety of intense feelings. Gratitude and warmth for music, for my grandma, for all the people in the church who loved her deeply. Appreciation that she asked me to play. Gratitude that I could fulfill this request for her.

And nerves. Adrenaline crackling in my arms and legs, heart pounding, fingers and legs shaking. 

I kept coming back to the warm feelings of love running through my body, and my gratitude, and in retrospect, those warm feelings were enough to keep me in enjoyment and in the moment - all the while, my legs continuing with their shaky shakiness.

Gratitude, in fact, is one of the first tools that I discovered that worked for me as a antidote to fear. Not that I am the first to discover this. But it felt like 'discovery' when I first internalized the power of the warm feelings as a way to stay in the moment, be more grounded, and to relax some of my chronically tight muscles.

As I was working on tools to deal with performance anxiety, I learned the Centering Exercise. One of the steps is consciously relaxing tense muscles.

This is what would happen in my head when I tried to relax.
Brain: Relax. Say ahhhhh. Let go. Feel good. Feel free. Come on, you can do it.
Shoulders: NOOOOOO
Brain: I believe in you, it's time to let go.
Shoulders: NOOOOO
Brain: COME ON, I SAID RELAX
Shoulders: NOOOOOO!!!!!!

It didn't work for me. 
Letting go of tension takes some amount of faith, of trust, that things will be okay. That you will survive. That you can do it. That you don't need to clench muscles to protect against judgment, wrong notes, and rejection.

This is all subconscious of course. I know in my head that I'm safe, that I will survive, that I'm okay if I play wrong notes. But my shoulders and the deeper, more vulnerable parts have taken longer to internalize and believe that truth.  

Gratitude is not the end-all-be-all solution to tension, and it doesn't solve the problem forever. But finding something in your performance, or your collaboration, or your creation that you can genuinely enjoy and feel grateful for, can be a tool in your arsenal to help shift the focus from fear to enjoyment. 

Performing from a place of love and gratitude and positiveness (even if your character is not positive), rather than fear - well, we all want that, don't we?

Here's how to do it:

• Identify places in your performance and preparation of true enjoyment and gratitude.
• You might have a voice that argues, saying something like you don't deserve enjoyment or relaxation if you don't do it perfectly. Try experimenting with the 'buts' and 'what ifs' coexisting with the enjoyment and gratitude.
• Are you performing with another human being? Has anyone helped you prepare? Do you have stage management, lighting and sound designers, directors that you enjoy and appreciate? Sense what that gratitude feels like in your body. Maybe even explore extending that gratitude sensation towards these other people.
• If it feels right to you, locate where in your body you feel the connections, the appreciations, the gratitudes and focus on that feeling. What happens if you stay with that for a moment, or two, or longer?

As with anything you want to be effective, using gratitude to counteract fear takes practice. To get gratitude to be at the top of list, apply it as part of your practice routine. Or even write the word on your music in key places, so you practice applying it as you work through learning the music. 

As always, thanks for reading.
With love and gratitude,
Marta

PS - if this was helpful, you might be interested in Quick Tip #1: State the Obvious

Holiday Survival Guide for Musicians

Holiday Survival Guide for Musicians
I don’t know about you, but all the advice during the holidays of taking care of oneself never really worked for me. Who wants to pre-eat before going to a party, so you don’t eat the tasty stuff? And who has time to exercise during musician’s busiest month? Here are my suggestions for surviving the holidays, culled from ten-plus years experience of  making hay while the sun shines. Or making money while the carols jingle.

Know your minimum requirements for self care. Does having a clean house help you feel less stressed? Then keep that on your list. Don’t care if the dust bunnies multiple? Then they and their growing families can all wait until January. Does exercise help clear your brain? What is the simplest and easiest form you can partake in to get the clear head and boost of energy? Does bringing healthy food with you to a gig help you function better? Then cooking healthy food is a good idea at 7 am, or 11 pm. What is it for you that helps you function?

Adjust expectations. Once you know your minimum requirements for self care, try to let everything non-work related go. For me, eating healthy food really helps me function, so I bring snacks and meals with me everywhere. I’d rather take 10-15 minutes in the morning to put together a really delicious and satisfying salad then trust that I’ll find something half as good when I’m out and about. And sleep! This is at the top of my list always. I've left many a fun holiday party ridiculously early so that I can prioritize sleep. But I let go of just about everything else – exercise, cleaning, paying bills (I don’t recommend letting this one go!). What can you let go of, and what needs to stay on your priority list to stay sane?

Set boundaries and ask for help. Let loved ones and roommates know that life is different in December. Let them know about your minimum self care requirements and your adjusted expectations. Ask them to help pick up the slack, and perhaps promise to return the favor in January.

Focus on the positive. Remember why you are working your tail off this month. Remember why you love being a musician. Think about your favorite colleagues you get to spend time with this month. Find your favorite phrases in your performances. Keep them fresh and engaging to you.

Remember that this is temporary. Many of us will have a slow month in January. Know that December has only 31 days, and we are already one week in. Remind yourself of how you will take good care of all your needs once the dust settles and the carols end.

Finally, please enjoy this post from my friend Emily about making friends with eating during the holidays.

Happy Holidays, thanks for reading, and I look forward to communicating with you in the New Year!

With love and gratitude,
Marta

Tis the season for Gratitude

During this holiday of gratitude, I want to thank you for reading my newsletters. I started writing these about a year and a half ago, and I had no idea how much I would enjoy the process, the learning, the experimentation, and the communications with you. I’m grateful to you, who is willing to read and ponder and respond to my thoughts. That is very meaningful to me. Thank you. 

Gratitude is an energy of expansion and flow, while stress, anxiety, fear, fatigue all close us down. A few thoughts about how gratitude can help us in making music, especially as we approach our busy holiday season. 

1. Gratitude evaporates performance anxiety. Identify your favorite passage to play, your favorite note to sound, your favorite word to sing. Sink into the feeling of enjoying that part. Let that focus fill your body and erase anxiety, tension, and fear. Likewise you may do the same for identifying what makes you feel the best about the gig –  the conductor/collaborators, the music, the venue, the audience.

1. Gratitude keeps things fresh. If you have a holiday gig where you play the same thing over and over every year (Nutcracker people, I’m looking at you), it can be a challenge to stay engaged with the music and the job. Follow the same advice as #1 – find your favorite note, passage, word, moment and let those feelings sink in and wash over you. Find a different moment every performance.

1. Gratitude balances out unpleasant colleagues. Well, it may not balance them, but it can balance our approach to someone who is difficult. Everyone has redeeming qualities. Even your most irritating colleague has something positive about them. Identify their best traits and focus your gratitude on those qualities. Perhaps you might even tell them you appreciate those qualities about them! And if that doesn't work, go back and repeat step #1. 

1. Gratitude helps us accept compliments. How many times have you performed, made some mistakes and got hung up on those problems? Then in the receiving line after, when people genuinely express their gratitude, we dismiss those compliments? Try taking them at face value. Try letting the appreciation of your audience sink in. Know that you touched someone. Know that you made a difference by adding beauty and art to the world.

How else does gratitude help you? I'd love to know your thoughts.

Thanks for reading! Happy Thanksgiving!