Elusive Breath

Seeking work and excellence in the arts requires focused training for our bodies to perform to the highest calibration and to highly technical demands. And yet, sometimes, even after all the training, all the preparation, it might feel like our body betrays, by losing our connection to something so basic as breathing.

It's so disappointing to be human, with inner parts of one’s personality not on board with the passions that lie close to our hearts. With parts that might especially get afraid because our artistic desires are so very near and dear to who we are as a person.

It’s so dang hard to be human!

[I guess I have the inconsistency of being human on the brain, as I wrote my last post about Embracing Inconsistency.]

This is what happens for me in those times that I've spiraled out of control under the pressure: adrenaline increases. My muscles tense in response, as I try to control the shaky feelings. As my adrenaline increases, so does the shallowness of my breathing.

Then my mind starts in on trying to fix it. “Take deep breaths. Take deep breaths. Focus on your breathing. Fix your breathing!” My head is barking orders to my lungs. My lungs are impervious to logical input. It’s like I’ve stuck a bellows in my lungs and I’m manually forcing the air in and out.

The physical discomfort takes me farther and farther from the focus of my music or collaboration.

And then parts of me are mad or frustrated, because whose body is this?!? Where did my arms and fingers go? What about my dreams and desires? Which furthers the cycle of more parts triggering each other, and moving farther from my best performing self.

Does this kind of pattern sound at all familiar to you?

If so, I have two suggestions.

First, oodles and oodles of compassion. This is so hard, and so frustrating, to be so very human in this way. To have goals, desires, longings, and our very primal needs for safety are getting in the way! Such an inner conflict. I've lived many years wanting to banish those pesky parts that are fearful. But what if, instead, we can have compassion for those fearful parts?

Can you find any amount of authentic compassion for yourself? One possible way to do this, is to see this normal body reaction as a part of you, and treat it like you might treat a fearful child. Fearful children do not get less fearful by yelling at them and blaming them. They get less fearful by treating them with love and support and safety, and setting up the right circumstances for success.

You do not need to quit performing just because one part of you gets scared! But if you can find out how those parts might like more support and what can make them feel safer, then maybe you can meet those needs.

For example, maybe you bring your own pianist to the auditions that you most care about. Or schedule a rehearsal with the hired audition pianist. Or maybe you’d like to create a sacred ritual before you walk on stage that is calming to your nervous system.

What creative ways might you find more safety for your scared parts?

Secondly, try looking inward to see what happens at the time that you lose your breath. As much as you can slow down your process and notice what triggers what, the more awareness you bring to your unique system, and the more specific you can get with your preparation.

Some possible questions that you might explore: When do you notice you get off track? What happens for you when you’re off track? Was there something that precipitated getting stuck? What came just before the stuck breathing, or the rush of adrenaline, or whatever it is that you notice in your body? What are the thoughts, words, or sentences that go through your brain? How does adrenaline affect your body? What feelings do you notice and where do you feel them?

In my most recent IFS training, I did some cool work with adrenaline as a part of me. I was able to create some space and separation between me and the adrenaline parts.

Adrenaline is triggered by the unconscious, I can’t control it. And yet, when separating from it – IT no longer controlled me. I had adrenaline coursing through my body, lit up and shaky, but there was a deeper sense of control. I could connect to the adrenaline and learn from it and hear it’s story, but it wasn’t in charge. AND I could deeply breathe.

Since breathing is both voluntary and involuntary, taking a multifaceted approach will help you find your best way to dealing with this issue. There are many resources out there for approaching the physical aspects of breathing, including good voice teachers, Alexander and Feldenkreis teachers, yoga classes, etc. Investing in good knowledge and good practice with your body is a very useful way to get to better breathing when under pressure.  

Sending you all my compassion for the times when your body doesn’t perform the way in which you hold the vision for your best performing self!
Love, 
Marta

Come to your senses

Do you remember learning about the five senses in grade school? I do, because my experience was highly disappointing. It was first grade, and we arrived at our desks to find several sensory items – a chocolate chip, a cotton ball, and other things I can’t remember. I remember the chocolate chip very specifically because, when our teacher instructed us to eat it, I was so sad to discover that it was completely bitter. I had never had unsweetened chocolate before, and it definitely left me wanting.
 

In our busyness, our five senses often get left behind. This is not an email to reprimand you, and order you to take time to smell the flowers. What I want to remind you of is the gift these senses can give us if we are experiencing overwhelm, or stress, or rushing, or anything that takes you out of your body, out of the moment.

I was really wanting to write a blog post this week, and struggled with several half-baked ideas. I think I’ve written three blog posts, but nothing felt finished or quite right for this moment. Then, as Loki was fighting sleep tonight, I placed on hand on my belly, to remind me to soften into the moment, to relax my own body in order to help my baby. I’ve no idea if it helped Loki fall asleep or not, but it certainly helped slow my racing mind, and to enjoy the moment, even though bedtime wasn’t going as I had hoped.

I’ve been noticing in my practicing how stopping to take several breaths helps calm my mind and slow me down. Along with the delight of having a nearly-one-year-old, I also have much more limited time. So when I sit down at the piano, I often have the sense of urgency, the strong awareness of how much I hope to accomplish before Loki demands my attention again.

All of this is to say, when you are stressed or overwhelmed or rushing or busy, take a moment to connect with one of your senses and see how that might make an impact on your activity.

Connecting to your senses calms your nervous system, helping you deal with stress. And it plays a role in activating the right hemisphere of your brain. We want this, especially when performing, as the right hemisphere is more aligned with being in the moment. Being in the moment is more likely to bring about Flow, the optimal state of performing, where all of our thoughts and energies are dedicated to the task at hand. No room for past and future thoughts, self-criticism, or distraction.

Here are some suggestions for a quick sensory connection:

• Three breaths noticing the movement of your body as your inhale and exhale.
• Three breaths noticing the sound of your inhale and exhale.
• Close your eyes and notice the sounds around you, let your ears take you to the farthest sound, and then to the closest sound.
• Close your eyes and notice what scent is in the air.
• Give yourself a hug and feel the texture of your shirt. Really, there is lots of research about how hugging yourself is very soothing to the nervous system.
• Feel your feet on the ground, the chair under your bottom, the clothes on your body, the glasses on your face. Notice the feel of your instrument in your hands.
• What do you see around you? Ask yourself, “Am I safe here?”. This may feel silly, but it calms our lizard brain which is always on the lookout for any potential threat.

Pick one of these sensory suggestions, or listen to this 2.5 minute long guided exploration to come to your senses.