AuraTransformation - IFS - music - parenting
The impossible goal of being PERFECT keeps showing up in my life. I remember years ago a colleague of mine saying to me something about being a perfectionist and I thought, 'really? I'm so very far from perfect, how can he see me as a perfectionist?' That stayed with me because it made me realize that my goal of appearing perfect was coming across as something different - hard on myself, unforgiving, driven, upset by mistakes. My secret desire to appear perfect was backfiring!
On the wall of my music room is the Holstee Manifesto. It starts like this:
This is Your Life.
Do what you love and do it often.
If you don't like something, change it.
I've been fortunate to do something I love for the last dozen years - making music for my living. But over the last several years there has been a slow internal shift. And this fall I made it official:
I’m changing careers.
I'm letting go of gigging and performing, and focusing solely on Inner Artist Coaching (with a little vocal coaching mixed in).
Looking at the news, the social media, our families, the division, the proposed cabinet members, the erupting hate, the feeling of powerlessness.
Wow. That is enough to make me want to find a cave near the woods and come out again after four years, hoping, wishing that I can go back to my life as I want it to be. Maybe you can relate?
Instead, I urge you to take action.
But where to start???
As much as the problem is overwhelming, sometimes the solution is overwhelming too. There are so many good groups with good intentions and good ideas. And protests. And money needed. And volunteers for soup kitchens. And political calls. And refugees arriving.
Not to mention the arts! Do the arts even have a place in this world right now? Maybe we should give up our endeavors and go camp out with protesters in Standing Rock. Or just eat more leftovers from Thanksgiving and stop thinking about all of this.
Friends, I am reeling after the election last week. I'm in some deep grief. Not just about the result of the election, but also that half of our country is suffering in ways that have been so untended to and so unheard that they are willing to vote for a person who is hurtful, racist, sexist, and encourages violence and division. Yes, some people feel renewed permission to unleash stored up anger and meanness and we are hearing reports of just such events, causing fear of what is to come. But I choose to believe that people are good, and are designed to seek connection and common humanity, while knowing that humans are also capable of inflicting horrors upon one another. I pray that our deepest fears are not realized.
There is one part of you that really wants to perform. You love the music! You love the show! You love the people! You love the limelight! You love success!
Then there is the other part of you…
…that is afraid of failure. Afraid of making a mistake. Afraid of being discovered as a fraud. Not trusting your memory. Not trusting your technique. Afraid of [fill in the blank....].
It's audition season for opera singers.
I recently listened to an episode on The Opera Box Score about audition horror stories. Stories of people having full out conversations while singing your heart out. Auditors eating lunch very loudly. No eye contact. Criticism for not bringing in a certain aria. Shame about clothing choices. Picking on words, diction, music editions.
Not to mention the weirdness that can exist in the hallway while waiting to audition. The nerves. The strange vibe. Hearing five sopranos before you all sing the exact same piece. Your own personal battle with anxiety and preparedness.
And this isn't unique to auditions for singers. Acting, dance, orchestra, there are so many painful stories.
It makes my heart hurt just thinking of all the nastiness that can accompany the process of auditioning.
